


To The Same Heights

by xingnini



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Clannad!AU, Comedy, Fluff, High School, Illnesses, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 20:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11997195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xingnini/pseuds/xingnini
Summary: It all starts when Jongin finds out Kyungsoo's name and his will to re-start the Theater Club.





	1. Chapter 1

When they first met, Jongin was going to his ‘secret place’ on campus to sit quietly and read a book. This place was at the edge of campus, on top of a railed cliff that overlooked a couple of beautiful houses in Seoul. There was a single bench for him to sit on and soft pink cherry blossom trees surrounded him. It was his favorite spot to come to during lunch period and read, since the cafeteria was too noisy and the library was too crowded. It was such a shame that the cherry blossom path that his place overlooked was going to be torn down soon… 

 

When he arrived at the bench under the cherry blossom trees, he was a little dismayed to see a smaller boy already there, standing and leaning on the railing. The boy was enjoying the view and laughing, not noticing the boy who was about to approach him to ask him to leave. Jongin was going to walk up to him and tap him on the shoulder before the boy’s voice broke through the air in beautiful song. 

 

Jongin was captivated.

 

He’s never heard a voice this soft and smooth — it was as soothing as milk and honey. His breath hitched; he couldn’t move and words couldn’t leave his mouth. He watched the back of the boy, and suddenly, he was dying to see his face. What face would match a voice like that?

 

Jongin’s wish came true when the boy, who felt like he was being watched, turned around to see a stranger staring at him with fascinated eyes and a taut expression. Jongin’s insides screamed at how cute the boy was with wide eyes and heart-shaped lips. The boy’s eyes grew even wider with surprise when he saw someone was watching him sing.

 

The boy was now frozen, but his eyes looked Jongin up and down. When he spotted the book in his hand, he exclaimed, “Oh! I’m sorry, my singing must have been annoying and keeping you from reading your book!” He let go of the railing to turn around and bow 90 degrees to Jongin before picking up his backpack from the ground and scurrying off. Jongin watched as the boy ran and disappeared into the school.

 

That happened all too fast for him. What had he come here for again?

  
  
  


The second time they met, they were able to have a full conversation. 

 

Jongin remembered the original purpose of the ‘secret place’ and went back to it regularly. He hasn’t seen the boy at the bench at all, until a week later. The boy was already sitting there on one side, head leaning back against the top of the bench and eyes closed. Jongin went to the other side quietly, as to try not to wake up the boy, and began reading his book. 

 

Five minutes later, the boy’s head shot up and his wrist flew up to his face to check what time it was with his panicked eyes. Jongin glanced up curiously from his book and saw the boy’s eyes went back to a slightly more normal size with relief. The boy still hadn’t noticed anyone sharing the bench with him and almost leaned his head back on the bench when Jongin chuckled. 

 

The boy’s head turned so quickly that Jongin could have sworn the boy should have been suffering from a whiplash. Then he breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s you. From last week. I think you saw me singing.” 

 

Jongin grinned. “Yup, that was me. I’m Kim Jongin, senior,” he introduced himself with a little wave.

 

The boy hesitantly said, “Do Kyungsoo. Senior.” 

 

“I come here all the time, but I’ve never seen you here before last week. This is not to sound rude at all, but what are you doing here?” 

 

The boy looked down at the petal-covered ground and mumbled, “The lunchroom is a little uncomfortable…” 

 

Jongin cocked his head to the side curiously. “Hm? Why is that?” Jongin was going to say this was  _ his _ secret spot and no one was supposed to come here but him — but he decided to let it slide.

 

Kyungsoo felt like he needed to console himself and tell someone the stress he’s been feeling for a while. “Since I’m a repeating senior, I guess people are uncomfortable sitting with me during lunch. They probably think I’m too stupid to hang out with.” 

 

Jongin had heard about a kid who had to repeat a year. He didn’t think much about it, because he was too busy studying really hard to get into a good college and aiming to become a doctor to be bothered with rumors and school gossip. This boy had no one to hang out with? Was he lonely?

 

“Well, that’s dumb. Why don’t you sit with your vocal club or theater club members?” 

 

Kyungsoo blinked back surprise at the question. “There are no clubs like that… They were shut down since there were not enough people that wanted to join.” 

 

Jongin was surprised. Was he really not that informed about his school?

 

“I kind of wish there was, since it’s my last year in this school…”

 

Kyungsoo seemed really sad, so Jongin felt a twinge of guilt pull at his heartstrings. He should have noticed this boy before. Jongin had only two friends: the playfully childish Oh Sehun and the overly-aggressive Luhan. He already had high marks; he had plenty of time for things to do other than study. He had room for one more friend. 

 

“Hey, why don’t you work to form a theater club? I’ll help you,” Jongin offered. 

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened again and his whole expression brightened up as he looked at Jongin. “Really?” His expression fell again when he said, “But I don’t want to bother you.”

 

“Nah, I have nothing else to do.” In truth, he didn’t want to go home, but he didn’t have to let the older know about that. He put on an encouraging grin. “Don’t worry about it. We just have to find members.” 

 

Kyungsoo quickly got up, stood in front of Jongin, and bowed repeatedly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You have no idea how much this means to me!!” 

 

Jongin nodded awkwardly and smiled, genuinely happy that he could help someone out. 

  
  
  


“Where exactly are you bringing me?” 

 

Oh Sehun was being dragged by Jongin to an unknown location; his friend wasn’t explaining anything to him as the walked through the halls during after school hours. Sehun made a determined face and jammed his food into Jongin’s heel, sending the older stumbling forward without his shoe.

 

“YAH!” Jongin yelled, rubbing the knee that he landed on. 

 

“Jonginnie, tell me where we are going,” Sehun started with a sweet voice, now getting more hostile, “before I get Luhan to run you over with his bike!!” 

 

“Hey, Luhan is already there, along with his brother. Calm yourself, we are literally a few steps away from the classroom.” Jongin put his shoe back on and got up; he led Sehun to a classroom, which had its door open already, welcoming anyone and everyone. Before they went in, Jongin leaned in towards Sehun and requested, "Now, Do Kyungsoo is very nervous about this, so I want you to be very open and encouraging. DO NOT SCARE HIM." Jongin gave him a pat on the back and went in before Sehun could ask anything.

 

Kyungsoo was already there, awkwardly standing in front of the classroom, and Luhan and Yixing were sitting on the floor whispering a plan to run for it while they could. Luhan jumped up when he saw Jongin. “Yo, what took you so long?” 

 

“Flower boy here,” he said, gesturing towards Sehun, “couldn’t wait and assaulted me on our way here.” Sehun just smiled smugly before bouncing off towards Kyungsoo.  

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes got wider as Sehun approached, and he soon looked like he was going to faint. Sehun didn’t care, he wanted to introduce himself. “Hello! My name is Sehun. I’m that jerk’s friend over there,” he said, pointing at Jongin, who scowled. “I’m assuming you’re friends with him, since he’s the one that dragged me here. Luhan and Yixing are too lazy to gather a group of people here, so I take it that you are the one who organized this?”

 

Kyungsoo gulped and slowly nodded.

 

Jongin told everyone to sit down on the floor, where the area was cleared of desks. Kyungsoo stood in front of everyone and cleared his throat. Jongin had made him practice what he was going to say in front of everyone dozens of times. Jongin found out Kyungsoo was timid and had stage-fright. "What?! How are you gonna perform on a stage then?!" he had yelled out one evening, causing Kyungsoo to chuckle nervously.

 

"H-hello, everyone. My name is Do Kyungsoo and I'm a s-senior."

 

"WOOOO, KYUNGSOO," Sehun hollered, and started clapping obnoxiously.

 

"OH SEHUN. CAN YOU NOT, JUST FOR ONE MOM—"

 

“NO!! YOU TOLD ME TO BE ENCOURAGING SO I’M GOING TO CHEER FOR KYUNGS—”

 

"YAH!! ALL OF YOU SHUT UP OVER THERE!" Everyone turned around and looked at the back of the classroom to see a boy with black hair, now sitting upright with a blanket on his lap. 

 

Kyungsoo broke into immediate panic. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were in the back there. I wouldn't ha—"

 

"SHH!" The black-haired boy waited for a moment with his eyes closed, before he got up and walked to the front of the room to sit with the rest of them. "Whatever, I'm awake already. Continue."

 

Since he was closer, the others were able to see the guy was Huang Zitao, a recently transferred Chinese student. He was notoriously known for being involved with the mafia before he was sent to attend this school. Luhan and Yixing shuffled nervously, while Jongin did nothing, oblivious to the guy's reputation. 

 

Kyungsoo smiled. "I don't know if Jongin told you... But I want to start a theater club!" he exclaimed determinedly. "I hope you guys can help," he continued, faltering.

 

"Kyungsoo, you were doing great! Keep that grand sense of bravado going! Just like we practiced!"

 

Sehun’s hand shot up. “Question! When are club meetings?”

 

“Every week, Wednesday after school. It could be in this classroom. If we really want, we could try to meet more often than once a week.”

 

Sehun's hand shot up for a second time. "Question again! What kind of play are we doing?"

 

Kyungsoo thought a little. "Ah! A musical! On club fair day!" 

 

Jongin facepalmed. Luhan elbowed him in the ribs, as Sehun snickered at his friend's pain.

 

"If you guys don't want to participate at all, I can do a one-man show," Kyungsoo suggested. He was already grateful that they had just shown up to form the club. In the rules to making a club, there had to be a certain number of members in it, and a club president had to be elected. 

 

“No, we can do it with you! Doing a musical sounds fun!” Yixing piped up. “I don’t think any of us can sing, but Luhan, Sehun, and I can dance!” 

 

“Nah, man, people are not ready to see  _ this _ dance,” Sehun said, gesturing towards his body. He ignored Jongin’s  _ “cocky mofo”  _ remark and said, “Not all of us should be in the production. There’s someone who needs to take care of lights and sound effects.” 

 

“Whatever floats your boat, bro,” Luhan said, slapping Sehun a little too hard on the back, which earned him a glare. "Jongin, aren't you going to dance?" 

 

Something went wrong; the air became heavy once the question left his mouth. 

 

Sehun started, "Uhh, Luhan—"

 

"I can't," Jongin cut in coldly. "I don't know if you remember—"

 

Realization dawned on Luhan's face and he clamped his hands over his mouth. "Jongin, I'm so sorry—"

 

"It's fine, forget it," Jongin turned back to Kyungsoo, who looked a little uneasy and confused. "Do you need anything else for the production?" he asked Kyungsoo, the tone of his voice sounding a lot nicer.

 

"Hmm," Kyungsoo was still unsure how to react with what just happened between Luhan and Jongin, but he ended up shyly turning towards Zitao. “Huang Zitao-ssi, are you going to participate in the production? I’m still really sorry for disturbing your sleep.”

 

The boy smiled at Kyungsoo’s sheepishness, which automatically made the shorter feel x10000 better. “It’s no big deal. You weren’t the one who was loud,” he said, turning to emphasize to Sehun, and Sehun specifically (because  _ psh _ , Jongin didn’t say anything at all at the time). “I’m running for student council president so I don’t think I’m going to have time. Sorry… If I win the election, I’ll promote your club though!” 

 

Kyungsoo was eternally grateful to each and every one of them, and he expressed this as they wrapped things up and got ready to leave. When they were all gone, and it was just Kyungsoo and Jongin, the older turned to the younger and said, “Thank you. I don’t think this would have happened at all if it weren’t for you.” 

 

Jongin was beginning to feel a soft spot for Kyungsoo. He wasn’t aggressive or inconsiderate like Luhan; he wasn’t loud and obnoxious like Sehun; and he could actually hold a conversation with him, unlike how he could not with Yixing. He was really glad he met Kyungsoo at the bench under the cherry blossom trees.

  
  
  


After one particular practice, and when everyone else already left, Kyungsoo turned to his friend. "Hey, Jongin, would you like some bread from my cousin's bakery? You must be hungry after rehearsal."

 

Jongin smiled and nodded, and after packing their stuff, they left with Kyungsoo leading the way.

 

"You're basically going to my house, too, since I live above the bakery with him," Kyungsoo shyly explained. The only house or living space Jongin has ever been to was Sehun's. 

 

When they arrived at a small bakery, wedged in between two other houses, a small young man burst through the door, sobbing into his hands and running down the street. 

 

"JOONMA!! IT WAS A JOKE!! I LOVE YOUR BREAD!!" A second person pushed through the door and was about to stuff his mouth with the bread products and take off after the first one until he saw his guests. "Ay, Kyungsoo, you're home! And I see you brought a special someone," he said, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows.

 

"Yifan! He's a friend!" Kyungsoo cried out. Yifan raised his hands up in surrender and laughed. "What happened to Joonmyun this time?"

 

A sigh escaped from Yifan's lips as he turned to look at the direction the crying one ran in, and then turned back to Kyungsoo. "I was on the phone, telling Yiyun about Joonma's new bread. He decided to walk in right when I was telling her I'd rather eat rocks than eat his new bread."

 

Kyungsoo facepalmed. 

 

When he recovered, he noticed Jongin still existed; he had forgotten he asked his friend if he wanted some bread from the bakery. "Oh wait, Yifan, this is Jongin. He's the one who's been helping me with the theater club. Jongin, this is my cousin's boyfriend, Yifan. My cousin, Joonmyun, is the one you saw running out earlier."

 

Jongin bowed to Yifan, who only nodded his head and smiled. "Okay, I should probably go find Joonma," Yifan stated, before taking off in the direction of the distressed baker. Kyungsoo shook his head while smiling before going inside the bakery. 

 

Kyungsoo picked up a wrapped bread and started opening it. Jongin was a little startled. "Wait, so you're giving me the bread when your cousin's boyfriend said he would rather eat rocks than eat that?"

 

Kyungsoo laughed. "No no, that was Joonmyun's special bread of the week. I am giving you the bread Yifan baked. The ones he makes are pretty good."

 

“We should probably watch the store until they get back,” Jongin proposed. Kyungsoo smiled and nodded in agreement. 

 

“When they come back, you can stay for dinner!” 

 

Ten minutes passed, and Yifan came back behind a now happy Joonmyun. “Hello! You must be Kyungsoo’s friend!!” Joonmyun shouted, as he went up to give Jongin a huge, tight hug. He and Yifan showed him the way upstairs, and Kyungsoo encouraged him to go up into his house. They said, “Giving you dinner is the least we can do for you, since you are helping Kyunggie with the theater club.” 

 

When the food was finished cooking, and they all helped to set up the table, the four of them sat down, ate and talked, the topic of conversation revolving mainly around Kyungsoo. Jongin learned that Kyungsoo was actually  _ very mean _ , and he was not afraid to hit his cousin and Yifan, even though they were both much older.

 

Jongin also learned Kyungsoo was a sickly child. He would always miss a few days every couple of months in school when he was younger, but last year was particularly bad. Kyungsoo missed about three consecutive months of school, which is why he was held back. Jongin felt bad because everybody just thought Kyungsoo was dumb and failed to pass the school’s curriculum. Yifan and Joonmyun were really scared to send Kyungsoo back to school after last year, because Kyungsoo almost died from his mysterious illness. 

 

“We can’t figure out what’s wrong with him, and we’re still scared since we don’t know when it’ll show up again,” Joonmyun whimpered, while a supportive Yifan rubbed a comforting hand along his boyfriend’s back.

 

“It’s okay, if anything else happens to Kyungsoo…” Jongin declared, “I’ll be there to protect him.” 

 

When it got a lot darker and it was time to go, Joonmyun and Yifan waved from the top of their stairs and Kyungsoo walked Jongin out of the bakery. 

 

“Thanks for putting up with them,” Kyungsoo said, sheepishly. “They must have left a weird first impression on you.” 

 

Jongin laughed. “It’s fine. They’re great people. Thanks for inviting me over for dinner.” 

 

“Goodnight, Jongin. Get home safely!” Kyungsoo called out, as Jongin turned back around and waved. 

 

It was a nice 15 minute walk back to his house, since the city they lived in was small and their neighborhoods were a little near each other. This was a little unfortunate for Jongin, since he was always reluctant to go home. Staying outside the house for as long as he can was Jongin’s goal each day. 

 

When Jongin reached the front of his house, he pushed the key inside the keyhole and opened the door. He ignored the flickering lights from his dad’s room and the pungent smell from the living room and quickly strided into his own bedroom without batting an eye.

  
  
  


“JONGIN!! Eat lunch with us!!” Luhan said, grabbing Jongin’s arm when he was on his way to meet Kyungsoo at their “secret lunch spot” (the bench underneath the trees). Luhan didn’t even take into consideration to ask if Jongin was busy or what and dragged him halfway across campus. He led him onto a nice grassy spot on a little hill, where Yixing was already seated on a picnic blanket, setting up the food.

 

“Hi, Jongin,” Yixing said, blushing a little, although Jongin hadn’t noticed (he was a little dense when it came to people’s feelings, including his own). “I stayed up all night and made kimbap and some Chinese dishes. I hope you like it.”

 

“I stayed up and helped, too!!” Luhan cut in.

 

Jongin cautiously took a piece of kimbap from the container. “Why are you guys giving me food…?” 

 

“We thought you’d like it,” Yixing said, in a disappointed tone, upset that he seemed to distress Jongin. Luhan’s head turned sharply and he shot the Korean boy a vicious glare. Jongin immediately panicked, because upsetting Yixing would trigger a violent Luhan. 

 

“No, no, no!! I do!! Food is good! I mean, the food is good!! It’s just that people don’t usually ask me to eat lunch with them? But the food is great!!” 

 

Yixing’s face immediately lit up upon hearing Jongin was enjoying the food.  

 

Suddenly, Jongin remembered he had left Kyungsoo alone at the bench. Besides his fear of Luhan, he also thought it would be rude if he just walked out on Yixing, after all that hard work and effort he put into making this lunch. He took out his phone slowly while Luhan and Yixing were talking.

 

To: Kyungsoo

 

Hey... Sorry, I can't make it to —

 

"Who are you texting?" Luhan exclaimed, looking like he wanted to grab the phone from Jongin. "Are we boring you?" 

 

"No, not at all. I just have to tell Kyungsoo that I can't meet him for lunch." While Jongin proceeded to finish sending the text, Luhan and Yixing gave each other worried looks. 

 

When Jongin was done sending the text, he looked up at the two brothers, smiled, and said, “I hope I’m not eating this alone; Eat up! It looks great!”

  
  
  


Alert: from news.sciencemag.org/

Scientific Breakthrough in the Medical Field

Males Can Now Give Birth?

 

Sehun looked over Jongin’s shoulder and saw the first line. “You nerd, only  _ you _ would download a science magazine app and get updates from it.”

 

Jongin shrugged and brushed Sehun off. “It’s good to know things when studying in the medical field. Don’t laugh at me when I’m more successful than you later on in life.” 

 

Sehun winked and held up a peace sign. “With these looks, I’m pretty sure I can be successful whether it comes to becoming an accomplished dancer or picking up ladies.” 

 

“Yah, I learned from this alert that  _ you _ could possibly become pregnant in the future.” 

 

“Please,” Sehun scoffed. “I’m the one who’s going to do the impregnating, don’t even with me Kim Jongin.” 

 

Jongin shook his head and looked ahead to see Zitao walking towards their direction. “Hey, Zitao, how’s it going?” 

 

Zitao bowed to Jongin, but looked scornfully at Sehun. “I am good. It’s been a pretty good day today.” 

 

“Did you just glare at me?” Sehun broke in, unpleasantly disrupting Jongin and Zitao’s conversation. “Broooo, I just woke you up once, and Jongin was being loud too!!”

 

“He was yelling at  _ you _ to be quiet!!” 

 

“So you  _ are _ still angry about that! Look, it’s not like you need a beauty sleep anyway! You’re not a girl!” Zitao looked away. “No way, it couldn’t be… You’re not actually a girl, are you?! Why are you looking away?” 

 

Zitao turned back towards Sehun with a look of disgust. By this time, Jongin had already grabbed a bag of popcorn and was sitting cross-legged in a foldable seat, enjoying every second of Sehun’s stupidity. “I looked away and rolled my eyes, because your face and your stupidity are too annoying for me to see.” Zitao was going to turn around and walk away, when a very insulted Sehun lunged forward to grab the Chinese student’s shoulder. 

 

Zitao’s hand flew up and caught Sehun’s from behind, and he effectively flipped a shrieking Sehun over his shoulder and onto the ground in front of him. “Do you want me to prove to you I’m not a girl?” Zitao asked cracking his knuckles. Jongin was in his seat, dying that his best friend was getting beaten up. “Forget it, you’re not worth it.” Zitao turned around and walked away with a stoic expression on his face, as if nothing happened. Jongin threw aside his popcorn and got up to go over to his friend. 

 

“Shut it!” Sehun snarled, as Jongin was about to say something to mock his friend. 

 

“Flipping you over! That’s all it took to get you to shut up! And who told you to tell him you thought he was a girl?” 

 

Sehun got up to level his face with his friend and exploded to defend himself. “I heard the rumors about him liking Gucci bags!! When I asked about beauty sleep and if he was a girl, he faltered and looked away! Tell me if I am wrong.”

 

“You’re wrong.” 

 

Sehun paused before he said, “You’re not a good friend.” 

 

“You’re not a good person. You make fun of me for reading science magazine updates! Besides, if Zitao is what you say he is, you’ve just gotten beaten up by a girl,” Jongin said, smirking.  

 

“...”

 

“Got ‘em.”

 

“It doesn’t matter!! I will prove it to you, Kim Jongin!!” 

  
  
  


Sehun and Jongin were walking back from the vending machines in the school cafeteria when an idea popped into the blonde’s head. It was after-school and they had to wait for about 40 minutes for club activities to start.   
  
“Yo, I just thought of something! I need to get back at Zitao!”

 

“Stop,” Jongin sighed before sipping his mango juice. 

 

“No, it’s brilliant. This won’t fail. We have to go to that library storage room where that Kim Jongdae hangs out in.”

 

Jongin raised his eyebrow at his friend. “What would you want to do with Kim Jongdae?” 

 

Sehun wrapped his arm around Jongin’s neck and leaned in closer. His voice dropped a couple of volumes, and Jongin knew he was about to exaggerate. “I heard he has a bunch of tricks up his sleeves. He has charms that get people 100’s on tests they’ve never studied for and luck for the unluckiest people.”

 

“If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, he’s not going to be able to make you automatically jacked in 5 minutes. You’re going to have to go to the gym and work out for months if you want to beat up Zitao, buddy.” 

 

“No, no, no. You know what?” Sehun said, abruptly. “Let’s take a walk. Let’s explore the school.” Jongin followed Sehun, exiting the cafeteria and climbing up the main staircase. 

 

“We’ve been in this school for three years. I think we both know the school and its grounds by heart.” 

 

“Let’s still take a walk,” Sehun insisted.

 

“You’re just going to lead me to the storage room, right?”

 

“Of course not.” 

 

“I’ll just come with you, so I can laugh when nothing works,” Jongin teased, climbing the last of the stairs. Jongin took hold of the door and swung it open for his friend, gesturing for Sehun to walk through.

 

Sehun turned direction towards the library storage. It was all the way on the third floor, at the end of the social studies hall. “Jongdae’s a nice person. He doesn’t make people pay him, so it doesn’t matter whether it works or not.” 

 

“Whatever you say,” Jongin drawled.

 

When they got to the end of the hall, Sehun and Jongin started bickering over who would knock on the door.

 

“You’re the one who wanted to come here!” 

 

“You came along!!” 

 

The door swung open, revealing a curious and calm looking Kim Jongdae. 

 

All three of them stared at each other for a few moments.

 

"Wanna come in?"

 

Sehun cleared his throat while Jongin thanked Jongdae for opening the door.

 

"Please, sit down," Jongdae offered. When they took their seats at the table in the the crowded room, Jongdae sat across them. "What are you here for?"

 

"This punk here wants your help regarding getting revenge on a person," Jongin immediately answered, cutting his friend off.

 

Jongdae drew his lips into a thin line and shook his head. "Sorry, I can't do that. The things I do here are only for good intentions."

 

"What!! Isn't getting people a 100 on their tests called cheating?" Sehun cried out.

 

"But it benefits everyone. Them, their grades, and their teachers. Getting revenge will only hurt yourself and your victim."

 

"Craaaaaaaap, that's bull," Sehun grumbled. 

 

Jongdae ignored Sehun’s ill-mannered comment and turned to his other guest. "How about you, Jongin? Want to try anything out?"

 

"Jongin doesn’t believe your shit works,” Sehun tattled.

 

“Oh Sehun!!” Jongin hissed. 

 

“It’s okay, Jongin. I wouldn’t believe it either,” Jongdae laughed a little. Jongin gave the boy an apologetic look and then turned to glare at his friend. 

 

Sehun spotted a blindfold, with words written in black and red paint on it, beside a pile of books near Jongdae and pointed at it. “What about that? What is it?”

 

“A blindfold.” 

 

“But there are characters on it that I don’t understand…” 

 

“Yeah, it’s in Chinese. Wanna try it out?” 

 

“Nah, Jongin can do it,” Sehun immediately answered, trying to act cool.

 

“You wuss,” Jongin bit out at his friend. “What does it do?” he asked Jongdae. 

 

“You wear it around your head and over your eyes, and once you walk out the room, the first person you see is the person you’ll fall in love with. If the charm on this band is very strong, they’ll probably fall in love with you, too.”

 

Jongin had to bite back a laugh, just to keep a decent impression of himself for Jongdae. He really didn’t believe in this stuff. 

 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll try it out,” Jongin agreed. “Since I’m not weak-hearted like Sehun.”

 

“Do you want to fight, Kim Jongin?” 

 

Jongdae chuckled as he took the blindfold in his hand and walked over to the side the two guys were sitting. He stood behind Jongin and tied the blindfold from the back of his head.

 

“Good to go?” Sehun asked.

 

“Mhm. You should guide him around school, so he doesn’t bump into anything,” Jongdae advised. “Let me know who the person is when you return the blindfold!!” he called out to them as they walked out of the room and thanked him.

 

On their way to the main staircase, Sehun began laughing. 

 

“Why are you laughing?”

 

“I don’t know, you don’t seem like the lovey-dovey type,” Sehun snickered. “What if I removed the blindfold right now, and you see me first? What will happen then?”

 

_ Smack! _

 

Jongin didn’t need to see Sehun to hit him.

 

"Fine then, who do you want the person to be?” Sehun asked after recovering.

 

“Well… who knows… we’ll see…” Jongin answered.

 

After a few steps, Sehun tugged on Jongin’s arm. 

 

“What?”

 

“ _ What _ are you doing, Jongin?” asked a voice Jongin recognized as Luhan’s; he sounded curious and judgmental at the same time. He could imagine his face being scrunched up with distaste because he didn't approve of Jongin's behavior, and Jongin wasn't in the mood for that to be the first thing he sees.

 

“Nothing, just testing something out,” he answered.

 

"Alright..." the Chinese boy replied hesitantly. "I'll get going now. See you in 15 minutes."

 

Sehun waited for Luhan to round the corner and disappear. “Why didn’t you take off your blindfold? You don’t want it to be Luhan?”

 

Jongin shrugged. “I don’t care who it is, because I don’t believe it’ll work. As long as it’s not a teacher.” 

 

Sehun and Jongin made their way towards the staircase and went all the way to the first floor. 

 

They would have gone to the basement, but Sehun decided to leave Jongin stranded in the middle of the staircase, blinded with the band over his eyes. Unfortunately for Jongin, Sehun had seen Jung Daeun and decided this was the perfect time to hit on her.

 

He leaned against the wall of the staircase and waited for the moment until Sehun realized his own stupidity and came back for him.

 

He heard a door open and close overhead, and hoped that if it was a teacher, they were going up instead of down. Surely, if they saw him in this state, they would rip the blindfold off his eyes, and he wasn’t in the mood to later get in trouble for student-teacher pedophilia. His thoughts were interrupted very briefly. “Jongin? What are you doing over there? What's that around your eyes?” It was Kyungsoo’s soft and soothing voice, and Jongin soon heard footsteps coming down the stairs and closer to him. 

 

He was completely caught off guard when he felt hands remove the blindfold, and his eyes met wide, innocent and deep brown ones.

 

"There, better?" Kyungsoo asked, smiling.

 

Jongin couldn't help but smile back. He had gotten lost in the shorter’s warm and welcoming gaze, that he almost completely forgot the purpose of the blindfold. 

 

"Let's start going to practice," Kyungsoo suggested taking his hand, and Jongin thought it was too ridiculous, too absurd to be true (that the blindfold might have actually worked), but he felt his heart flutter a little.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re annoying,” Zitao shouted back at Sehun, who was following him. “I’m an underclassman, why are you treating me like this?” 

 

“Because you won’t admit you’re a girl!” Sehun shouted back at him.

 

“That doesn’t give you an excuse to be a creeper!” 

 

“I’m not being a creeper!! I just want you to tell the truth and tell everyone you’re actually a girl!! Because of your lies, people think I’m crazy!” 

 

Zitao turned around and raised a fist, causing Sehun to flinch and fall back. “It’s because you are crazy!! Do you want me to beat you up again?” 

 

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” Jongin came up to them and slung each of his arms around the two of them. 

 

“Oh is trying to ruin my reputation. At this rate, I won’t be able to become student council president. If I’m not student council president, then I won’t be able to promote the theater club.”

 

Oh Sehun is a person who doesn’t think. Whatever he says and whatever comes out of his mouth isn’t processed through his brain thoroughly. There is no filter there to take out offensive things that come out of his mouth. So of course he was prone to say, “Isn’t your reputation already ruined because of your gang activities?”

 

It was evident that Sehun had hurt Zitao’s feelings, because the Chinese transfer student fell silent and the mood because sullen all of a sudden. Zitao’s will to argue with Sehun suddenly shot through the ground and Jongin felt his shoulders slump a little.

 

“You probably wouldn’t win student council even if you put 300% effort into your campaign,” Sehun continued, oblivious to the fact that he struck Zitao right in his conscience. 

 

“Sehun, stop it—” Jongin removed his arm around his blonde friend and tried to quiet him down.

 

“— and when people find out you’re a girl pretending to be a guy, you’ll definitely lose against Byun Baek—” 

 

“Oh Sehun,  _ shut up _ .” 

 

Sehun blinked back in surprise at his friend, who never really sounded so stern with him before. 

 

“Go away,” Jongin pushed Sehun away and turned to Zitao. “Don’t listen to him at all; just tune out his words, since they basically mean nothing.”

 

“Hey!” 

 

“He’s just as dumb as anyone can get; don’t let him get you down. Hey, I’ll help you with your campaign! You seem like the sporty type. I bet if you play some games against a couple of sports teams, you’ll be able to gain half the school’s vote. People are into that stuff. They’ll forget all about the bad things and it’ll boost up your cause for the election!” 

 

Zitao’s downcast eyes looked up at Jongin. “Really?” 

 

“Yeahhhh, I’ll help you get some games in.” 

 

"Thank you, Jongin-ssi!!" Tao exclaimed, teary-eyed and hugged Jongin. 

 

Sehun's face had a "wtf" expression written all over. When Zitao left to catch up to his next class, Sehun turned to his friend and smiled smugly.

 

"What."

 

"I'm telling you," Sehun scolded, "he's a girl. Did you see the way he hugged you? And the way he was about to cry? If he's not a girl, then he's a big baby."

 

"Oh Sehun, let me jog up your memory of how he flipped you over and beat you up the other day," Jongin reminded him.

 

"Jongin, seriously!"

 

"You're such an idiot."

  
  
  


Kyungsoo wasn’t in school today and Jongin was a little worried, since he knew about his tendency to get sick easily. What he didn’t know was that he would be so lost without Kyungsoo there; he realized that he spent most of his time with the older boy, and now that he was absent, he didn’t know what to do during his free time. 

 

As soon as lunch started, he decided to go to the classroom where they held Theater Club meetings and aimlessly looked around the classroom. The classroom was a mess; it probably wouldn’t be if Kyungsoo was here…

 

Jongin went up to the board and wrote Cleanup Duty: Do Kyungsoo. He smiled and wiped his hands on his pants; he had about 35 minutes to kill before the lunch period was over, so he decided to go outside.

 

Thankfully, Zitao had the same lunch period as Jongin and found him wandering around campus. “Hey! Jongin!” the Chinese boy called out and ran towards him. “I didn’t know you and I had the same lunch period; you don’t hang out in the cafeteria?”

 

“Nah, my friend and I usually go outside, but he’s not here today,” Jongin replied. “Hey, this is probably the first time I’ve seen you without Sehun bothering you…”

 

“Yeah, thank God he doesn’t have the same lunch period. He’s really something… We could grab lunch, though. By the looks of it, you were wandering around on an empty stomach.”

 

“Haha, yeah,” Jongin chuckled, “my friend usually brings bread for me to eat, but he didn’t tell me he wasn’t coming to school today.”   

 

After going to one of the food trucks that bordered around the school’s campus, Jongin and Zitao found a place to sit and eat their food. “Hey, you’re okay with doing the sports games, right? You remembered I told you I was going to help you with that?” 

 

“Yeah, of course. I just hope that I won’t screw anything up…”

 

“Nah, you’re going to be fine! You have me and Sehun will probably be willing to help when it comes to sports. Even though he doesn’t look like it, he’s pretty athletic!” 

 

“But Jongin…”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Why are you so willing to help me?” 

 

Jongin looked up from his food, and saw Zitao’s fierce and earnest face looking at him for an answer. Jongin thought about it very shortly because he knew telling the truth would be the best. “To be honest, I want you to win the election so you could promote the Theater Club. It would be really nice to have it gain attention.” 

 

“Oh, the club where I sat in on? It seemed interesting, and I think I told someone I was going to promote it if I won,” Zitao answered thoughtfully. 

 

“Yeah, I particularly remember you saying that, so I was hoping you’d stay true to your word,” Jongin admitted. 

 

Zitao nodded and smiled and continued eating. 

 

“If you don’t mind me asking… what was Sehun talking about? About you being involved in gang activities? It was Zitao’s turn to look up from his food, surprised that Jongin would ask a question like that. Jongin flushed, embarrassed at his blatancy, and began rambling on, “Ah, I mean, you don’t have to tell me if it’s really personal. Or if the rumor isn’t true, I’m sorry for believ—” 

 

“The rumor is true.” 

 

Jongin was shocked at the interruption. “Oh. I see.”   

 

“Jongin, what kind of child were you?” 

 

Jongin thought about his past. “Nothing special…” 

 

“Well, that wasn’t the case for me — I was wild. There were problems at home that made me angry, and I took out my anger and irritation on everyone and everything. I became an active part of the gang member ring and I constantly fought with people. I led a bad life outside of the life I had at home. I was a bad son and a terrible older brother. Before it was too late, I realized I’ve never seen my younger brother genuinely smile.

 

“My parents did not get along, so the house was silent. There were no conversations and not even arguments. Things stopped clicking amidst the stress and problems that piled up, and it eventually led to them getting a divorce. 

 

“They were fighting over who would get to keep my brother and me, if they would separate us or if one of them got to keep both of us. I didn’t care how it ended, but my brother did. He shot up from the couch we were sitting on and yelled at my parents saying he was going to commit suicide if they were going to get a divorce. He ran out of the house and to a nearby highway bridge. He said he was going to jump.” 

 

“He jumped?”

 

“He did. I didn’t understand why he did. He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t understand the rationale behind it all either. But what he did brought us together as a family as we sat crying in his hospital room, praying for his recovery. We really thought he would die and we've all never felt so helpless in our lives. We leaned on each other for support and stuck together.

 

“Spring came and he was discharged. My parents and I wheeled him around to get fresh air, and we came across a cherry blossom path. My brother loved it — he told us that he wanted to go there every year with us as a family. My parents and I couldn’t agree more.” 

 

Jongin looked at the cherry blossom path that was near his school. “It’s getting torn down soon,” Jongin murmured. An idea struck his head. “ You weren’t sent away to here. You transferred by your own will.”

 

Zitao nodded.

 

“The cherry blossom path is the reason why you transferred here? And why you’re running for student council president?”

 

Zitao only smiled. “If I win, I’m pretty sure I could have a say and do something about the trees being destroyed. That place is not only precious to me, but many others, too.” 

 

Jongin thought about Zitao’s story and how important this election was. Zitao’s reason was so much more than the other candidates’ reasons for reputation and college credit. 

 

“Don’t worry, aside from that, I’ll also help with the Theater Club. It seems really important to you.” 

 

Jongin thanked Zitao, and as the bell rang, they finished eating and got up to go back to the school together. 

 

 

"Kyungsoo!!" Jongin waved from the stands. Immediately, any visible worry was dispelled from Kyungsoo's face and he went over to sit next to Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo had been absent for two weeks, and Jongin checked up on him through phone call to see if he was alright. When Kyungsoo answered that he had gotten better, Jongin invited him to come to Zitao’s tennis game and help out — after all, Zitao’s sports campaign was not only for his election, but also for the benefit of the Theater Club. 

 

This was Zitao's sixth sports game, and everyone became interested in the Chinese boy after he won against the unbeatable table-tennis player. He played a one-on-one game with the best player in the basketball team, which he also won. After winning in golf, swimming, and track, people were curious to see if there was a sport Zitao  _ couldn't _ do.

 

It was the weekend and students and classmates were willing to come to the school to watch. Today's match is tennis. He's up against Park Chanyeol, the star player on the tennis team. He could serve well because of his height and could reach really well for the ball due to his long limbs. 

 

"You didn’t miss much; they only warmed up and the game is just starting," Jongin whispered in Kyungsoo's ear as he sat down. 

 

From a few seats behind, Luhan tensed up visibly. Luhan was going to get up and make his way over to Jongin to tell him to sit with Yixing, when his brother held him back. “Ge, the game started already,” he said, shaking his head. Luhan reluctantly sat back down, but kept his eye on Kyungsoo and Jongin. 

 

After warming up, Zitao and Chanyeol met at the center of the court and shook hands over the net.

 

After about an hour, Chanyeol was becoming frazzled. The score was 6-3, 5-6, 2-0 with Tao in the lead. Tao proved to also be a strong server and an agile runner; he was able to reach the ball pretty quickly and return it accurately. 

 

It was break time and Zitao was sitting next to Jongin, since Kyungsoo stood up and offered him his seat. “You’re going at a really good pace. Keep it up and you’ll surely win,” Jongin encouraged. Zitao smiled in appreciation for his friend’s support.

 

“Zitao-ssi, would you like some water?” Kyungsoo offered.

 

“Thanks, but I don’t need it right now. Hey, I’ve seen you before right? You’re—”

 

“Do Kyungsoo! I’m trying to reestablish the Theater Club.” 

 

“The Theater Club…” Zitao pondered aloud. Realization spread across his face, and he looked down with a small smile, thinking about Jongin and he said, “I see, so that’s the situation…” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“Haha, it’s nothing,” Zitao laughed off, grabbing his racket and making his way back to his side of the court.

 

Chanyeol doesn’t handle defeat well. The fact that he’s losing motivates him and drives him into taking desperate measures. At times, he would go for the ball, even though half the court knew he wouldn’t be able to reach it.

 

Chanyeol had managed to get 40-15, but he didn’t want Zitao to come back and fight for an advantage from deuce; Chanyeol really wanted that breakpoint. Zitao threw the ball and swung at it in midair.

 

It was really fast. 

 

Ace! 

 

Chanyeol wasn’t able to receive the serve. Everyone could see him becoming visibly fidgety as the announcer called out 40-30. Zitao bounced the ball a couple of times before taking a deep breath and throwing it in midair. 

 

Everything was a blur from there; it all happened too fast. Zitao’s racket smashed into the ball, and people thought he was going to ace Chanyeol again. However, Chanyeol was extremely determined and willing to do anything to receive the serve. Chanyeol scrambled for the ball and the racket came into contact with the high-speed tennis ball at a weird angle. The ball went completely out and hurtled straight at the crowd.

 

_ Smack! _

 

A uniform and audible gasp was heard from the crowd.

 

“KYUNGSOO!”

 

“Kyungsoo-ssi!” Chanyeol exclaimed and came over to where Jongin was already crouching down on the ground, trying to see if the fallen Kyungsoo was alright.

 

“Are you alright, Kyungsoo?”

 

Kyungsoo tried to rid himself of the look of pain, smiling at Jongin. “Yeah, it’s fine; that was Zitao’s point right?” Suddenly, Kyungsoo flinched and his face scrunched up in pain, and Jongin could see a red angry throbbing mark forming around and over Kyungsoo’s knee where the ball had hit him.

 

"We need to ice it; we should get him to the nurse,” Chanyeol quickly suggested. He reached out his hand to grab Kyungsoo, but Jongin stopped him and viciously cut him off, blocking him from touching Kyungsoo. 

 

Everyone was watching.

 

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo looked at him worriedly, wondering what he was doing.

 

It was when Zitao came running over and stopped abruptly that Jongin realized what he had just done and lowered down his arm. He turned to Kyungsoo and said, “Let’s just go to the nurse. We'll walk slowly.” 

 

All everyone could do was just stand and stare as Jongin helped Kyungsoo get up. Kyungsoo was limping, with his arm around Jongin’s shoulder and they walked past a shocked Luhan and a quiet Yixing. Luhan couldn’t even look at them as they passed by, but Yixing’s eyes followed them in an anxious manner. 

 

Luhan’s mind couldn’t process what had just happened. Jongin had just smacked Park Chanyeol’s hand away because he didn’t want him to touch Kyungsoo. For the past three years he had known him, Jongin barely expressed the desire to help anyone. 

 

Luhan began to laugh. “Well, I knew all along!” 

 

Yixing turned to his brother with the most shattered expression ever. “哥, 对不起。 我很抱歉。”

 

“Hahaha, what are you talking about…”  

 

"Luhan..." 

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” Luhan put on a fake smile, but Yixing knows his own brother too well to know that he’s pretending. "Are you okay?" Luhan asked with genuine concern, but his brother could tell Luhan's wall has broken down; that he wasn't only sad for him, but also for himself. 

 

Yixing felt his eyes tear a little, but he quickly wiped it away before anyone could see.

 

"I'll be fine," Yixing answered, giving his brother a small smile. "We'll be fine."

  
  
  


As soon as Jongin walked into his house, he heard the TV blasting in the living room. It was wasting electricity; money that they didn't have was being dwindled away. Neither he nor his father still bothered to fix the flickering light bulb in the latter’s bedroom, and it was starting to piss Jongin off to no end.

 

The smell of alcohol was already reaching his nose, and it was flaring up Jongin’s anger.

 

He entered the living room, only to see a mess of unhealthy food on the table and his father slumped on the floor next to the table. A bunch of half-empty alcohol bottles lied next to chip bags and little snacks. 

 

Jongin went to turn off the TV and started to collect the garbage around the table. Jongin couldn’t care less whether or not he made too much noise, so the rustling and crunching of the snacks being gathered stirred his dad to wake up. The older man struggled to sit up and faced his son, who came back from throwing away the snacks and had a rag in his hand.

 

“Ah, you’re home?” 

 

Jongin didn’t answer and began to wipe the table down. 

 

“How was school tod—” 

 

“It’s morning and it’s a Saturday; we have no school today. Don’t attempt to start a conversation with me if you really do not know anything,” Jongin replied coldly. 

 

Jongin’s father was a little taken aback, but not surprised — he was a little used to this. It was also his mistake for asking a question that would offend his son. In addition, he had just woken up  _ and _ he’s hungover… not a good combination to be completely alert. 

 

“Okay, we don’t have to talk today,” his father said easily. He slowly got up, supporting himself on the table, and Jongin thought about how pathetic his father looked. 

 

Jongin couldn’t help but become angry at how his father didn’t even try. He didn’t at least attempt to continue the conversation or try his hand at a different topic. Jongin forced himself to angrily finish up cleaning, put away the materials, and slammed the door once he was in his room. He should have known — why did he come home? Why did he come home so early? He usually avoids confronting his father, why would today be any different? He didn’t know what to do anymore; pace his room? Sit on his bed? Study his books? Go back out there?

 

For half an hour, his thoughts were still pounding in his head, but they were rudely interrupted when he heard a knock rapping at his front door. He contemplated whether or not he should go outside, and he wasn’t sure if his father would answer the door or not. He decided it would probably be best to see who was at the door at least, so he opened the door of his room and walked out.

 

His father had beaten him to it, and standing outside was Jongin’s homeroom teacher. His teacher was carrying some folders and he and his father were already talking.

 

“—not here to see Jongin, I’m actually here to see you today. I was wondering if you knew how your son’s college process was going. Are you keeping track of your son’s goals and his progress on how he’s achieving them?” 

 

His father scratched the back of his head a little uneasily. “It’s all up to Jongin, I have no say in what he wants or does.” 

 

The teacher looked a little puzzled, and maybe a little disgusted with the stench that was being given off from the alcohol Jongin’s father drank the night before. “But Jongin is your son and you should be involved. He’s only just a student and I want to hear his guardian’s thoughts. How about your wife?” 

 

His father completely ignored the last part as if it was unheard of. “It’s Jongin’s life, it’s not something for me to decide. Jongin is Jongin. It’s something for him to decide himself; it’s not something I should meddle in—” 

 

Jongin heard enough. He silently walked back to his room and quietly closed the door, which proved to be a mistake. He felt even more trapped and enclosed in such a small space. He couldn’t breathe and he needed to get out. He needed to get out of the house that was not his home. Before he even realized it, his hands were acting on their own and he found a bag and a suitcase and he started stuffing all the clothes he could find into them. He even unconsciously grabbed his uniform, because deep in his mind, he knew he never wanted to come back to this place. 

 

_ He’s like that. In his mind, I’m no longer his son. We live separate lives even though we live in the same house. My father and I are no longer family and we haven’t been for a long time.  _

 

He finished packing and there was not a single thought of hesitancy that crossed his mind. He made his way to the front door and passed by his father who was slumped over the living room table with the TV on again. How long had he been packing? How long had he been thinking the same thoughts over and over again? It had actually been hours. 

 

He was in front of the door when he heard the TV being turned off, breaking him away from his thoughts again.

 

“Jongin, are you going somewhere?”

 

Jongin took a deep breath. His back was still to his father and he had no intention of turning around. “Yes.”

 

His father looked down at all the bags his son was carrying: a suitcase, a duffle bag, and even his school backpack. “That’s an awful lot of stuff you are carrying…” 

 

“Yeah, I’m going somewhere and I don’t know when I’m coming back.” 

 

His father’s face fell a little. “Ah, I see. It’ll be lonely here since you were good company.” 

 

_ Good company. It’s as if I was a passing guest anyway.  _ “I’m off now,” Jongin said, leaving his father standing in front of the door as he watched his son close the door and set off. Jongin took a couple of steps until he turned around to take one last look at his house. 

 

_ Goodbye, father. _


	3. Chapter 3

He had no plan; he didn't think this through. All he knew was that he felt a lot better and that he was finally able to breathe freely. The sun was starting to set low in the sky, and Jongin still hadn't found a place to stay. He was thinking of walking all the way to Sehun's place, but wasn't sure since the dorm keeper was really strict. He thinks he remembers her mentioning that Jongin was only allowed to visit...

 

Before Jongin realized where his own two feet were carrying him, he arrived at a local park. Kids barely went there and he realized he could sit on the swings or something. What was left of the sunlight made everything have a yellow or orange tint — he thinks it’s a nice day to be outside of that house. 

 

Then, he started worrying. What was he going to do when it became dark? Did he have enough money to find a dorm? He absolutely had enough pride that he had the mind not to drag himself back to his house. There was no way he would show himself in front of his father within a matter of hours of saying his permanent goodbyes. 

 

"Jongin?" a tiny voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to see the person he would have least expected to find here: Do Kyungsoo. "What are you doing here? With all those bags?" 

 

The questions were not demanding or judgmental; they were curious and innocent. Jongin thought about how Luhan would've sounded aggressive and how he would've told him how he was being stupid and dragged all his stuff right back to his house.

 

"Are you alright?" 

 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Jongin stuttered when Kyungsoo was able to bring him back from his thoughts a second time. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Me?” Kyungsoo looked taken aback. “I was just walking around when I came across you sitting here…” The older looked at all the bags surrounding his friend. “Are you going somewhere far?” 

 

Jongin realized what Kyungsoo was looking at and felt a little embarrassed. He could feel the hot feeling creep up his neck and burn into his cheeks and he scratched the back of his head, answering, “Oh, no, I’m just looking for a place to stay since I kind of walked out of my own hou—”

 

“Would you like to come over to my place?” Jongin probably looked surprised because Kyungsoo panicked a little. “I-I mean… only if it’s not imposing on you…”

 

“Of course not, you’re offering to help. As long as  _ I’m _ not imposing on you _. _ ” 

 

Kyungsoo only smiled. “You won’t be! I’m sure Joonmyun has a spare room.” 

 

Kyungsoo hadn’t asked any questions, but Jongin knew that he probably had a feeling that it had something to do with his father. During the amount of time they’ve spent with one another, Kyungsoo had come to know that Jongin’s relationship with his father was strained. 

 

He remembered telling Kyungsoo about what Luhan meant during the first club meeting. How he asked about Jongin dancing, but getting a cold reaction as an answer. He remembered the shocked look on Kyungsoo’s face when he told him that his father broke his leg during a fight, ending his love for dance. 

 

Kyungsoo comforted him. He knew when to talk and when not to.

 

Right now, Kyungsoo knew Jongin didn’t want to talk about it. He only picked up one of Jongin’s bags and started walking, only turning back to tell Jongin to follow him when he saw that he was still sitting on the swings…

 

“I’m home!! Joonma!! We need to set up the guest room!!” Kyungsoo called out as they entered the bakery. 

 

“WHAT?” A voice squawked from the backroom. “WHY?” 

 

Jongin’s eyes widened in alarm. “I thought you said I wasn’t imposing?” 

 

Kyungsoo gave a nervous laugh and waved him off. “I told Jongin he could stay with us for a while, if it’s okay with you. It’s okay with you, right?” Jongin wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard a little subtle threat in Kyungsoo’s last sentence. From previous visits, Jongin has noticed that Kyungsoo has some little scary authority over his older cousin and his boyfriend.

 

“Haha,” Joonmyun came out from the room, laughing nervously, “of course Jongin is welcome anytime!!” Joonmyun went to the base of the stairs that led to their house and called out, “WUFAN!! Come down here!”  

 

In a few moments, Yifan came swooping down the stairs. “What is it? What?” he asked, alarmed. 

 

Joonmyun pointedly directed his boyfriend’s attention to his cousin saying, “Kyungsoo offered Jongin our home as a place to stay. I hope you are okay with that,” he said cautiously, nervous that Yifan would be upset with losing some attention as man of the household. 

 

“Of course I’m fine with that, why wouldn’t I be,” Yifan told them, his voice a little strained. Joonmyun knew that Yifan was trying to hide his despair to the best of his ability, but he wasn’t going to say anything.

 

“I’m going to go set up the guest room; Yifan, bring up Jongin’s stuff,” Joonmyun called over his shoulder as he was climbing up the stairs to their house. Yifan gave an unsatisfied grunt and took all of Jongin’s stuff and followed after his boyfriend. 

 

When the two were gone, Jongin turned the Kyungsoo. “I thought you said I wasn’t imposing…” 

 

“You’re not!! Joonmyun loves it when friends come over, especially since most of them don’t come over anymore…” 

 

Pounding on the stairs indicated that someone was coming downstairs. The tall blonde baker came into view and he shot Kyungsoo a suggestive look.

 

“Damn, Kyungsoo, you be bringing home boys faster than Joonmyun’s bread making it to the garbage, but that’s none of my business,” Yifan said, unconcerned, reaching over for the bottle of water on the cashier counter.

 

“FASTER THAN MY BREAD MAKING IT TO THE GARBAGE?” Joonmyun suddenly wailed, causing Yifan to spit out his water. “YOU SAID YOU LIKED MY BREAD!!” Joonmyun cried out, running out the doors of the bakery, sobbing into his face.

 

“YOU DIDN’T TELL ME HE CAME DOWN, HOW DID HE FINISH PREPARING THE ROOM THAT FAST?” Yifan yelled out at Kyungsoo and Jongin. He grabbed a bunch of bread from a nearby table set up, ran out the door, and yelled, “JOONMA!! DIDN’T YOU GET THE MEMO? IT’S OPPOSITE DAY!! I LOVE YOUR BREAD!!”

 

Kyungsoo facepalmed.

  
  
  


After Kyungsoo and Jongin walked home together from school, Kyungsoo left Jongin alone in the guest room in fear of bothering him from doing his homework. He had to help Joonmyun and Yifan run the bakery anyway; Jongin was wondering why it felt so quiet in the house and decided to go downstairs, only to find everyone there. While they were all bustling about in the bakery sweeping, baking, or fixing the display, Jongin stood in front of the stairs, watching them stupidly. 

 

“Hey, you got any homework?” Yifan asked, standing up straight from his backbending broomwork. Jongin thinks he heard the tall man’s back crack. 

 

“Uh… No….” He does, but he could do it later.

 

“Then what are you standing around there for? Help out or something.” 

 

“Ah, yeah, sorry,” Jongin apologized and bowed before setting off to work. He stood behind the counter to attend to a waiting customer. The lady payed for the bread and thanked him, and he told her to have a nice day. 

 

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Kyungsoo asked Jongin. “You don’t have to work around here, you can leave it to us!” He playfully shoved Jongin away from behind the counter and Jongin laughed.

 

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Jongin insisted. “You’re letting me stay here, the least I can do is help you guys out around here.” 

 

“Damn, right,” Yifan scoffed. “Let the boy pay his dues, Soo.” 

 

“I guess it’s fine if he wants to help out,” Joonmyun agreed. 

 

Kyungsoo shot his cousin an exasperated look and the older only shrugged. Yifan waited for Kyungsoo and Joonmyun to get back to work and for all the customers in the shop to clear out; then, he approached Jongin. 

 

“Hey, you.” 

 

Jongin looked up in surprise at Yifan, since had just scolded the boy for not working and helping out with the shop sooner. “Me?” 

 

“Shhh,” Yifan prompted Jongin to lower down his voice. He went behind the counter to stand beside Jongin, and slung his arm around his shoulder. “I have a mission for you.” 

 

“Uhhhhhh,” Jongin whimpered, a little unsure what business his friend’s cousin’s boyfriend would have with him. 

 

“Stop being a chicken, I’m not going to do anything bad to you. Okay, you see Joonma over there?” Jongin looked to where Yifan was pointing and quickly nodded. “Okay, I have two toy cockroaches, right?” Jongin nodded again. “I’m going to put one on the wall over there and when I give you the signal from behind Joonmyun, I want you to yell out and make sure it catches his attention. Okay?” 

 

“Sure…” 

 

The tall baker quietly stuck one of the toy cockroaches on the wall. Yifan then strided over to his boyfriend and positioned himself from behind. He looked at Jongin and gave him a signal.

 

Jongin gave out a long exaggerated gasp. “WHAT IS THAT?!” 

 

Joonmyun reacted immediately. “What? What happened?” 

 

“IS THAT A COCKROACH?!?!?!??!” Jongin yelled, pointing at the spot where the toy was on the wall. 

 

Joonmyun quickly walked over, but kept his distance from the wall. When he saw it, he shrieked, “YIFAN!! YIFAN, THERE’S A COCKROACH!! KILLITKILLITKILLIT!!!!!” 

 

While Joonmyun was preoccupied, Yifan slipped the second toy down the back of his boyfriend’s shirt, causing the shorter to shudder and have a queasy feeling. “JOONMA, ANOTHER ONE WENT DOWN YOUR SHIRT!!!” 

 

Instead of fainting, Joonmyun did the complete opposite and jumped ten feet into the air, vehemently scratching at his back. “GET IT OUT GET IT OUT DEAR GOD SEND HELP!! GET IT OUTTTTTTT!!!” He aggressively pushed open the door and ran, screaming through the neighborhood about the cockroach down his shirt.

 

Kyungsoo came into the scene, and after staring at the laughing Yifan, made his way over to the toy cockroach on the wall. Sighing, he made his way over to his cousin’s boyfriend and grabbed him by the ear.

 

“AHHH, AHH, AHH!! Kyungsoo!!” Yifan yelped. 

 

“You’re dead when Joonmyun finds out you pranked him like that.” 

 

“Jongin was in on it, too!!”  

 

Jongin’s eyes magnified about 50 times. “WHAT?! I swear, Kyungsoo, I didn’t know what he was going to do, I just did what he told me to!!” Jongin shouted out, holding his hands up defensively. 

 

Kyungsoo made his way towards Jongin and lightly smacked him upside the head. “Hopefully Joonmyun won’t hate you after this,” Kyungsoo said, not viciously, but Jongin could tell he didn’t appreciate what he’s done. 

  
  
  


Joonmyun was back from his neighborhood rampage and Jongin was standing in front of him, bowing a full 90 degrees. “I’m really, really sorry for committing such a wrong against you. The prank was really mean and immature and it won’t happen again.”

 

Joonmyun laughed and smiled brightly. “It’s okay, I only have this idiot to blame,” he said, gesturing towards Yifan. “To make up for it, he’s going to do the dishes for the next month.” 

 

Jongin smiled, feeling extra grateful that Joonmyun was so understanding.

 

After closing up shop and eating dinner, Jongin was back in his room, sitting at his desk and trying to do homework. But how could he concentrate when all kinds of thoughts were flooding his head?

 

Coming to Kyungsoo’s house and staying there has made him the happiest he has ever been in his life. It hasn’t been too long, but they were already treating him like family. Joonmyun, Yifan, and Kyungsoo were probably the closest to family that Jongin could ever imagine having the pleasure of calling. They made him happy and gave him a fuzzy warmth in his chest, they made him laugh and smile, they made him feel at home…

 

_ Knock, knock! _

 

Kyungsoo opened the door and peeped his head inside. “Hello,” he greeted in a small voice. “How are you doing?” 

 

Jongin smiled. “Everything’s great. Just trying to finish up my homework.” 

 

“Okay, I was just checking up on you… Have a good night!” Kyungsoo beamed and quietly closed the door. 

 

Jongin didn’t know he was staring longingly at the door until he realized he had homework to do. He wished Kyungsoo would have sat down and talked with him a bit. He wished he could have at least said goodnight back.

  
  
  


It was the day of the Club Fair; the day that Kyungsoo was going to show much he and his club members had prepared for this day. They had practiced every Wednesday after school, and as the day drew nearer, some of them even stayed after school on other days. 

 

They all loved Kyungsoo; he was really sweet and caring — since he’s such a shy soul, the club members were the only ones who knew what a great person Kyungsoo is. They did all they could to help him achieve his dream of seeing the theater club become successful. Luhan and Yixing were grateful that he was the kind of person they can entrust Jongin to, even if Jongin hasn’t realized his own feelings yet. 

 

“We’ll come later, don’t worry!” Joonmyun assured Kyungsoo, when he and Yifan weren’t dressed up yet. Kyungsoo and Jongin had to leave for school earlier to make sure everything was set up for their act. 

 

They set off for school after Kyungsoo glared at Joonmyun for kissing him all over the face, "For good luck, just in case I don't see you later." Jongin opened up an umbrella, since it was a gray, gloomy day and water was drizzling over the town. Walking to school, Jongin could see the ugly weather having a negative impact on Kyungsoo, making him more nervous than he already was.

 

"Hey, you okay?" Jongin asked worriedly. He pulled Kyungsoo in closer, so that he'd be fully situated under the umbrella. When he saw how startled the older looked for abruptly pulling him in, he apologized, "Sorry, I just don't want you to get wet, stay under the umbrella."

 

Kyungsoo smiled, appreciating the gesture. "Thanks; and yeah, I'm fine. I'm just nervous, but that's normal, right?"

 

"Yeah, it's okay to feel that way. But I know you're gonna do fine. Even though you never let us hear the singing part of your act," Jongin pouted saying the last part.

 

"You'll hear it today, don't worry," Kyungsoo laughed. His smile faltered when he looked down on the drenched ground. "Jongin, what if I mess up? The Theater Club would be ruined forever..."

 

"Don't doubt yourself. It's unnecessary and creates false misconceptions. I believe in you, so I hope you believe in yourself, too."

 

His words made Kyungsoo feel a little better. By the time they reached school, Kyungsoo had regained a little bit of his excitement and confidence. He was too preoccupied with his emotions for the play, that he didn't realize that Jongin's right arm and shoulder were drenched from the rain.

  
  
  


"Zitao! What are you doing here?"

 

"Hey, Jongin, I've been looking for you. You heard that I won the student council elections, right?"

 

Jongin smiled. "Yeah, I did. Congrats!"

 

Zitao continued, "I really feel as if I owe the Theater Club, so I'm here to help!"

 

"Wow, Zitao, thanks. I think Sehun needs help with some of the controls up there," Jongin pointed to the room across the auditorium, situated above and behind the audience. They could both see Sehun standing up and panicking over the buttons and control panel.

 

"Okay, I'll make my way up there. See you," Zitao waved, walking away to get to the control room.

 

Jongin looked around the back of the stage one final time before it was their turn. The person whose act was before theirs was finishing up the last trick with his trained ferret, and as their turn came closer, Jongin could see Kyungsoo becoming more nervous by the minute. 

 

Yixing and Luhan were dressed up in their costumes as backup dancers; Zitao and Sehun had to get along for about an hour to handle the sound effects, music, and lighting. Jongin was in charge of stage crew, as well as Yixing and Luhan after their dance acts.

 

Jongin could now hear the music stopping and the audience now clapping.

 

It was their turn.

 

Kyungsoo stood behind the curtain, at the center of the stage. 

 

“And now, our next performance is by our school’s theater club!”

 

Kyungsoo looked back at Jongin, and Jongin gave back a reassuring smile. The older took a deep breath, and faced the curtains again. His eyes were closed, probably to calm himself down and get rid of all the nervousness. 

 

“Please anticipate the musical they have been work so hard on!” 

 

The crowd, students and parents alike, clapped as the curtain parted and bared Kyungsoo to them. Jongin watched intently and saw Kyungsoo wasn’t moving; he was supposed to start saying his lines! 

 

‘Kyungsoo wouldn’t have stage fright,’ Jongin thought. ‘He’s worked so hard for this.’ 

 

Jongin waited and stared, unsure whether to call out to Kyungsoo or signal to Sehun and Tao to cut everything off; then Kyungsoo opened his eyes and began speaking.

 

Jongin felt relieved; of course Kyungsoo would be great. This is everything he wanted to do, everything they’ve worked for for so long. 

 

Before he knew it, Jongin heard music playing. Yixing and Luhan had already done their backup dancing segment, and were now helping with backstage preparations. 

 

Jongin was stunned. 

 

_ Yeah~ _

_ Play another slow jam _

_ This is my property _

_ Tell me what is love _

 

_ You, the one who has never loved me _

_ All I ever wanted was to live at your side _

_ Never did I erase you from my mind _

 

_ Why must you continue brushing me aside? _

_ Because of my increasingly selfish heart _

_ There’s no way I can escape these thoughts _

_ Is this really what they call love? _

 

_ I’m not ready for this to end, wait a minute _

_ The road we walk down as we wait has no limit _

_ Though my unanswered calls are mere echoes, come back to me _

 

_ Oh~ _

 

_ I want to move on and live my life _

_ Sooner or later, I will fade away _

_ Oh, tell me what is love _

_ Tell me what is love _

 

Kyungsoo’s voice was beautiful. 

 

It was as if he was back on school campus, on that bright, quiet day. He was walking along the cherry blossom trees and came upon that bench, where he heard Kyungsoo’s angelic singing. He was captivated all over again, held hostage to every beat and note of the song. 

 

Kyungsoo was beautiful. 

 

Jongin’s heart was beating fast; he wanted to lie down and catch his breath, because he forgot how his lungs were supposed to work. He could only see Kyungsoo; at this moment, he realized how much he wanted to be with him. 

 

Luhan’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Jongin!! Pull back the curtain!” 

 

Jongin shook his head and immediately set to work. The audience was already clapping and cheering and Kyungsoo was bowing, bowing, bowing a full 90 degrees each time. The smile on his face was so radiant, he could light up the whole stage without Sehun and Zitao’s help. Jongin grabbed the rope and hoisted it, so that it could come back down and shield Kyungsoo away from the crowd. 

 

At this moment, Jongin wanted to be the one to see Kyungsoo shine so brightly. 

 

When Jongin was done pulling the curtains closed, Kyungsoo was already bowing to everyone, thanking them for their hard work. Jongin walked up to Kyungsoo as his back was turned towards him, and he was bowing to Luhan and Yixing.

 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin called out, after Kyungsoo finished speaking to the brothers. 

 

Kyungsoo was startled, but when he saw it was just Jongin, his expression relaxed. “Jongin!! Did you see me out there? Did I do well? I hope the theater club will be a huge hit now!!” he babbled happily.

 

Jongin smiled. “Your singing was… amazing… you should have showed me a long time ago…” he playfully pouted.

 

“Ah! I’m sorry!! But it made the performance even better for you, right?” 

 

“Of course,” Jongin agreed. He thought about what he decided upon hearing Kyungsoo sing. “Hey, can you come with me to the practice room?”

 

“The classroom? Okay… what do you need from there?” Kyungsoo asked innocently. 

 

“Just come with me,” Jongin urged, not wanting to tell Kyungsoo what he had in mind yet. 

 

Every place they passed together, there was someone to congratulate Kyungsoo on how well he performed. Kyungsoo, still as humble as ever, would just blush and bow his head respectfully, thanking people for their compliments. Not only has he made a new name for the Theater Club, but he’s also made a name for himself. 

 

Jongin pushed open the door to the classroom, thankful that it was not locked. The rain had long cleared and the setting sun’s light streamed in through the windows, giving the classroom an orange-pink tint. 

 

Kyungsoo looked around at the props stacked in the corner and the scripts and instructions that the others left lying around. 

 

“We should have one more meeting and clean up, huh?” Kyungsoo said, cheerfully, looking back at Jongin, but he wasn’t beside him anymore. “Jongin?” 

 

Looking around, Kyungsoo saw him removing a box from the top of a pile in front of the chalkboard. He went over and saw what Jongin was looking at; Cleanup Duty: Do Kyungsoo.

 

“EH?” Kyungsoo questioned, confused why his name is there. He didn’t remember assigning cleanup duty in the club. 

 

“Haha, I wrote that when you were absent,” Jongin explained. “It was messy here without you, and I thought about how that wouldn’t happen if you were around.” 

 

“What were you doing in here?” 

 

“I was lost without you…” Jongin told him. 

 

Kyungsoo went up to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk. Jongin couldn’t see what he was writing until he moved aside. 

 

Cleanup Duty: Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin 

 

“We can do it together,” Kyungsoo smiled brightly, making Jongin blush. 

 

Jongin turned away, not wanting Kyungsoo to see his flushed face. But he thought about how he had to do it now, or he would never have the courage to ever do it again. “Kyungsoo, I have to ask you something…”

 

“Hm? What is it?” 

 

Jongin scratched the back of his head. “Uhhhhhhh, how do I put this…” 

 

Kyungsoo looked on curiously, wondering what Jongin had to say.

 

Jongin was blushing furiously; he had never done anything like this in his life. “Wouldn’t it be interesting to say that we’re dating when we wake up tomorrow?” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

Jongin turned back to face Kyungsoo. He had said it already; he’s gone too far to turn back and run away now. “Kyungsoo, please date me! I really like you, so I want you to always be by my side!” 

 

Kyungsoo looked like he didn’t know what to say. Jongin abruptly pulling him up here and asking him such a question came as a shock to him; he couldn’t wrap it around his head just yet. Jongin almost began regretting his actions and thought he had come onto Kyungsoo too quickly and overwhelmed him.

 

But then Kyungsoo smiled.

 

And he nodded. 

  
  
  


When Jongin and Kyungsoo told Yifan and Joonmyun, Joonmyun happily congratulated them, saying how he knew it was going to happen, he was wondering why it hasn’t happened sooner, etcetera etcetera… 

 

The same could not be said for Yifan. 

 

“JOONMYUN!! OUR KYUNGSOO IS ALL GROWN UP!! SOON HE’S GOING TO BE MARRIED AND HE WON’T COOK FOR ME AND YOU ANYMORE!! HE’LL JUST BE COOKING FOR JONGIN AND HE’LL MOVE OUT AND I’M NOT READY TO SEE THAT!!” 

 

“Yifan, it’s only been a day,” Joonmyun deadpanned. 

 

“Ahem,” Yifan cleared his throat and turned to Jongin. “If I hear you hurt Kyungsoo, u ded. Got it?” 

 

“Yessir,” Jongin replied obediently. He could imagine family dinners being awkward now. 

 

Past all the excitement of the Theater Club’s performance and Kyungsoo and Jongin dating, they began to carry on with their daily lives. The first day they walked to school as a couple, Jongin and Kyungsoo were too embarrassed to hold hands. When shyly reaching out for each other [which took way too much longer than it should have], Luhan promptly split them apart by running through them with his motorbike. 

 

“Why do you guys look so flustered?” Luhan asked, when he saw both of their cheeks were red.

 

“Haha, it’s nothing, continue on your way to school!!” Jongin answered a little bit too exaggeratedly. 

 

Luhan looked at them suspiciously but started up his bike and went to school.

 

It didn’t take long for Yixing, Sehun, Zitao, and Luhan to find out about the couple.

 

Zitao had known about Jongin’s feelings long before he realized himself. Yixing and Luhan were a little upset, but did not show it; instead, they were happy for Kyungsoo.

 

“Is that why you guys looked embarrassed when I saw you earlier?” Luhan asked. 

 

Kyungsoo only blushed harder.

 

“Bruh,” Sehun deadpanned. “This theater club jazz was a ploy to get Kyungsoo?”

 

“No,” Jongin answered, genuinely wondering what goes on in Sehun’s head. “I enjoyed being a part of the club and fell for Kyungsoo along the way.” 

 

“Hm, yeah, well, congrats!! Happy for you,” Sehun smiled and wrapped his noodle arms around his friend. “I’m such a good wingman right?” He sighed and smiled wider. “By joining the club with you, I helped in getting Kyungsoo to like you; ah, I’m such a good friend.”

 

Jongin scoffed and laughed at how ridiculous Sehun could be sometimes.

  
  
  


During the last two weeks of school, Kyungsoo became sick. Jongin was conflicted about missing school; he really wanted to stay at home with Kyungsoo and nurse him back to health, but Joonmyun and Yifan insisted they would take care of him. After missing one day of school, Jongin begrudgingly went back.

 

Kyungsoo was too sick to even attend his own graduation ceremony.

 

The disappointment Jongin was feeling during the ceremony almost made him walk out on his own diploma. However, he stuck through with the thought of returning home to Kyungsoo.

 

Living with Kyungsoo allowed Jongin to see just how sick he could get. He would have an extremely high fever, but still feel cold. He’d be sweating under a huge bundle of blankets, but still insisted that he needed 2 more layers because of how cold he felt. He wouldn’t be able to get up, and he’d just stay in bed all day. Someone had to constantly watch him and make sure he was keeping himself hydrated; someone also had to be there to feed him. 

 

Jongin was more than willing to try to nurse Kyungsoo back to health; after all, he was going to a university to study medicine. Jongin’s desire to become a doctor grew more and more, because he wanted to find out how to prevent Kyungsoo from getting sick. 

 

No one had any idea of why and how Kyungsoo became sick for periods of time like this. Luckily, one of Joonmyun’s friends is a highly respected doctor, so Joonmyun and Yifan didn’t have to worry about spending whatever little money they had when taking Kyungsoo to the doctor. However, even the well-educated doctor couldn’t grasp what illness Kyungsoo had. 

 

Kyungsoo got better.

 

Soon, he was helping out in the bakery again, and everything went back to normal. He even helped with Joonmyun’s cram school and got another job at a restaurant. Kyungsoo didn’t want to go to school, because he felt like he was going to get sick and miss school which wasted money. All Jongin could do was support him on his decision.

 

Nevertheless, no matter how busy Jongin became with his studies, he made sure he made time for Kyungsoo. Joonmyun and Yifan didn’t object when Kyungsoo said he wanted to sleep in the same room as Jongin at night; they also didn’t object when Jongin and Kyungsoo proposed moving out of the house and into an apartment — actually, that’s a lie, Yifan wouldn’t stop crying for hours because Kyungsoo is his baby and Jongin is his punching bag. 

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo were happy living their lives together, and that’s all that mattered. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo worked at a restaurant as chef’s assistant and occasionally as a waiter. Jongin was able to get a paid internship at a hospital. Income was coming in slowly but surely. 

 

Sometimes, Yifan and Jongin would spend some bonding time together at the restaurant Kyungsoo worked at. Yifan was there to take pictures of Kyungsoo in his apron or his waiter uniform, which was a cute penguin costume. (Of course, Yifan mostly wanted pictures of Kyungsoo in a penguin costume. Yifan had said it was for biological and scientific purposes only when Jongin had asked.) 

 

Jongin’s favorite part of the day was when Kyungsoo would pick him up after a long day from work. He would walk from one of the upper levels of the hospital down into the lobby waiting room to find Kyungsoo waiting for him. They’d walk home together, holding hands, telling each other how their day went, and enjoying each other’s company. 

 

One beautiful spring day in May, Jongin decided he simply couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

He took the day off from work and asked Kyungsoo to go somewhere with him. Kyungsoo was a little confused since he had work in a little bit, but he could never say no to Jongin. 

 

It was a little tense in the car, and Jongin drove in silence. Kyungsoo could easily tell Jongin was fidgety and that there was something on his mind, but he didn’t want to bother him or ask just yet. However, he became even more confused when Jongin pulled up at their high school.

 

They got out of the car and Jongin held out his hand for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo took it and they walked together, up the cherry blossom path. The wind was lightly blowing, and petals were falling everywhere, littered across the ground. 

 

They came across a very familiar place — a spot that they came to together very often. Nothing had changed; the cherry blossoms were still lightly swaying in the wind and the beautiful view of Seoul was still overlooked by from the rail. 

 

Jongin wordlessly led Kyungsoo to the spot in front of the rail and faced him. Kyungsoo still had no idea what was going on and was clueless about what Jongin was trying to do. He hadn’t the slightest notion of why they would drive to their old school and stop here at this certain place. But Jongin was looking at him right in the eye, and Kyungsoo didn’t care for anything else in the world, except the trust that he has in the person standing in front of him.

 

Jongin took a deep breath.

 

“Kyungsoo… when I first saw you here, my initial thought was, “Who is this kid and what was he doing here in my secret place?” I was about to tell you to leave, but you began singing and I can clearly remember how beautiful your voice was. Then you noticed me standing there and ran off, leaving me wondering, “What just happened?” 

 

“I met you here again, and we had our first real conversation. You made me want to help someone for the first time. You gave me a sense of purpose and a reason to get involved. Here at this very spot, we’ve made so many memories together, whether it was talking about the Theater Club or just eating lunch here together.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled, memories flashing through his head of all the times he had spent with Jongin on the bench. He remembered realizing his feelings for him and crying on the bench that time Jongin texted him saying he couldn’t come to lunch. Looking back on that moment, he’s realized just how far they’ve come together. 

 

“You are my first for everything. Kim Jongdae gave me a ‘magical’ blindfold that I didn’t think would work. He said that first person I saw after taking off the blindfold is the person I would fall in love with, and the first person I saw was you. You were the first person to teach me what it was like being part of a family, by letting me stay with you. And I remember the first time I met Joonmyun and Yifan, and finding out just how easily you can get sick. That was the first time I said I would protect you — that was the first time I set my heart on my protecting anyone. 

 

“Now, I will always protect you with my whole life for as long as I live. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without you by my side. I love you.

 

“Do Kyungsoo, will you marry me?” 

 

Kyungsoo smiled and nodded. “Yes.”

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

“I’m positive. You know, lately, I’ve been thinking you are the only one for me,” Kyungsoo teased, and Jongin laughed a little. 

 

Jongin took out the small ring he had in his pocket, something he had saved up for for a while. He took Kyungsoo’s hand and put it on his finger. 

 

“Will you always be with me?”

 

“Yes, I’ll always be with you. I promise.”


	4. Chapter 4

One day, Jongin and Kyungsoo came over to have breakfast at Joonmyun and Yifan’s house. While washing the dishes, Kyungsoo ran from the kitchen and into the bathroom, with a worried Joonmyun following right behind. Kyungsoo had been hunched over the toilet with Joonmyun patting his back. He was gasping for air, after retching out part of his breakfast. When he felt better, he washed his mouth out at the sink. That was when Jongin and Yifan came running.

 

“Are you okay, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked.

 

Kyungsoo turned from the sink, “Yeah, I just felt a little sick, sorry.” 

 

Kyungsoo was okay, so Yifan decided to make a joke out of it. “Was Joonmyun’s cooking that bad? Or… are you pregnant perhaps?” he snorted.

 

Jongin’s face flushed. “Have some tact!” he yelled at Yifan.

 

“Jongin,” Joonmyun beamed, “you and Kyungsoo have a baby on the way.” 

 

“Eh????” Both Yifan and Jongin turned their attention to Joonmyun who was right in front of them.

 

“A baby!” 

 

Jongin was frozen in place trying to comprehend  _ how, _ while a scandalized Yifan was finally absorbing the information and letting it sink in. 

 

Then, everything exploded.

 

“WAIT A MINUTE, JOONMYUN!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN A BABY? WHERE’S THE BABY?! DID A STORK DROP IT OFF AT THEIR HOUSE OR SOMETHING?! IT’S NOT IN KYUNGSOO’S STOMACH RIGHT NOW IS IT?! OR MAYBE HE PICKED ONE UP FROM THE CABBAGE PATCH?!” 

 

Joonmyun only ignored Yifan and kept smiling; he grabbed Jongin’s hand. “Congrats!” 

 

“That means…” Yifan uttered, looking from Jongin and then Kyungsoo, and then back at Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo spoke up from behind Joonmyun. “Yes, Jongin and I are married…”

 

_ Wait, he isn’t going to say it, is he?  _ Jongin internally groaned. D _ on’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it…  _

 

“SO WE’VE BEEN HAVING SEX!!” 

 

Jongin felt the world go cold, and he could sense his oncoming death. Kyungsoo was Yifan’s baby, pure and innocent, too good for this world even though he scared him sometimes. To say this in front of his cousin and his boyfriend, though… Kyungsoo is definitely a special creature on this planet… 

 

Yifan pointed an accusing finger at Jongin.

 

“HOW ARE YOU GONNA IMPREGNATE OUR KYUNGSOO AND NOT EVEN GIVE US A WARNING?!”

 

“WHAT?! WE’RE MARRIED!! IT’S NORMAL WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED!!”

 

“YEAH, BUT I WASN’T MENTALLY PREPARED FOR KYUNGSOO TO ALREADY BE CARRYING A BABY?!?!” 

 

“OH, OKAY. IT’S MY FAULT. I’M SORRY I DIDN’T TELL YOU EXACTLY WHEN WE WERE GOING TO DO IT! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TELL YOU THE NIGHT BEFORE?” 

 

“Jongin!!” Kyungsoo yelped.

 

Joonmyun smacked the back of Yifan’s head, getting him to pause his yelling to instead rub his head in pain. “JOONMA!” 

 

“You should be congratulating them! 

 

Yifan grabbed Jongin’s shirt, “YOU BRAT!!! WHY YOU…”

 

Jongin could see the insanity breaching Yifan’s eyes, the anger and confusion welling up. If Yifan’s crazed looks could kill, Jongin would be dead. But then Yifan made an attempt to smile, and he only managed a crooked, lopsided one. “What a… wonderful day!...” Yifan managed to choke out.

 

Jongin was still a little scared for his life, since Yifan still hasn’t let go of his shirt. “T-thanks…” 

  
  
  


Leading into the last stretch of summer, it has been three months since Kyungsoo has been pregnant. Joonmyun and Yifan had introduced Jongin and Kyungsoo to a couple — Kim Jonghyun and Kibum — to help aid them on their journey to becoming a family. Kibum had gone through having a baby and offered Kyungsoo a lot of helpful advice. 

 

Meanwhile, Jongin had done the best of his ability to keep the apartment as cool as possible, as to not cause Kyungsoo and the baby any discomfort from the heat. Jongin was also finishing up medical school, taking the option of attending school during break so that he could finish earlier. 

 

Now, his summer classes were done and Kyungsoo was told he would be given a vacation from work.

 

“Hey, Kyungsoo. What do you think about going on a trip?” Jongin asked. 

 

Kyungsoo gasped. “That sounds great!!” he exclaimed excitedly. It would be nice to get fresh air and go out and about instead of staying in the apartment. So over the next few days, they packed and decided to leave right after Kyungsoo’s last day of work. 

 

Now about to board the train, Jongin was holding two duffel bags, his and Kyungsoo’s, while the older was holding onto the tickets. Jongin had insisted that he should carry Kyungsoo’s stuff since Kyungsoo was with child, so Kyungsoo cutely pouted and let him win this time. 

 

Kyungsoo was a little tired from work, so Jongin just let him sleep on his shoulder during the train ride, especially since they would have to walk some distance to the little cottage they were staying at. 

 

When Kyungsoo finally awoke, they had already arrived at the train station, and they were the last ones off the train. They exited the station and walked down the dirt path towards their destination. As they continued walking, the train station was replaced with the sight of beautiful scenery stretching out until it met the end of the blue, cloud-filled sky. Jongin and Kyungsoo could already feel the difference in the air compared to the their city’s; it was fresh and clean, and it was so much easier to breathe. 

 

Kyungsoo was ecstatic that the baby would get to enjoy this short vacation with them. 

 

They did not mind walking a little, because the endless green fields that were littered with flowers here and there were something they could not see every day. When they reached the cottage, they immediately put their stuff down in favor of going outside and exploring the place more. There was a fence that overlooked the ocean and the beach. They decided to walk along that fence until they reached a spot they would like to rest. They didn’t need to go on a wild adventure to France or the Bahamas; they were perfectly content with walking along the countryside, hand in hand. 

 

They came across a sunflower field; Kyungsoo wanted so badly to run through it, but he knew better than to put the baby in any potential danger. Instead, Jongin took out a blanket from his backpack and laid it on the ground for him and Kyungsoo to lie down on. 

 

Kyungsoo’s head was on Jongin’s arm, and Jongin was softly stroking Kyungsoo’s hair. As he stared at the clouds being sweeped across the sky by the wind, he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him and Kyungsoo starting a family. He was excited and elated with the idea of the two of them and a child being one happy unit. He could already hear the pitter-patter of small feet running throughout the wooden floor of their apartment. 

 

Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin to see the smile etched across his face. “What are you thinking about?” 

 

“Just life and how much more happiness is going to enter our lives when we have this bundle of joy,” Jongin answered, gently rubbing Kyungsoo’s belly. “But I’m a little worried…” 

 

“Hmm? About what?” 

 

“What if I end up like my father? What if I’m not able to raise our child properly?” 

 

“I know you and I don’t think that will happen,” Kyungsoo snuggled up and buried his face more into Jongin’s chest. “You’re going to be a great father, Jongin,” he murmured softly. “I really want you to be the first to hold our baby.”

 

“Mmm,” Jongin hummed in response. “Okay, I’ll be the first to hold our baby, then.” 

 

“Do you think it will be a boy or a girl?” Kyungsoo kept chattering, excited with the topic brought to light.  “What do you think its first word would be?” 

 

“I’m fine with either boy or girl, as long as he or she grows up to look like you,” Jongin responded, thinking of their child having Kyungsoo’s wide, round eyes and heart-shaped lips. “And the first word should be ‘Appa’. It would probably be calling for you all the time,” Jongin snickered, thinking of having a child that would cling onto Kyungsoo 24/7. 

 

“Should I teach him or her how to sing? Or maybe they’d like to play sports?” Jongin nodded, thinking about how cute it would be for Kyungsoo and their child to form a little duet duo.

 

“We can also condition the baby to like Joonmyun’s bread,” Jongin teased. “At least there’d be one person in the world who would eat his bread.” 

 

Kyungsoo laughed, and Jongin thought of how musical it must have sounded to the baby. 

 

They lied down a little longer and the more they talked about the baby, the more Jongin could see Kyungsoo becoming more fidgety. He didn’t want to push it though, because he felt so happy in the moment and he was scared maybe somehow what was on Kyungsoo’s mind was going to ruin his mood. 

 

But he would always put Kyungsoo’s happiness before his own. 

 

The sun was setting, marking down the end of a beautiful day, and Kyungsoo and Jongin were walking back to the cottage. Right before they could walk inside, Jongin stopped his husband.

 

“Kyungsoo, is there something bothering you?” 

 

The older looked like a deer caught in the headlights, his eyes widened with surprised. “Did I seem a little uneasy?” 

 

Jongin nodded. “Yeah, a little. You know you can tell me, right?”

 

Kyungsoo sighed, took Jongin’s hand, and led him to the fence. Jongin was a little anxious because he was scared of how serious Kyungsoo was being, but he felt that at least the view of the ocean can calm him down a little. 

 

Kyungsoo opted to look at the view of the ocean for a little while, trying to figure out how to tell Jongin. 

 

“What’s wrong?” the younger finally gained the courage to ask. 

 

Kyungsoo took a deep breath before turning to his husband. “While you were at work, I went to the doctor a few days ago for a regular check-up.”

 

Jongin became nervous; it was what he feared the most — Kyungsoo seemed like he was going to talk about his health.

 

“Before I left, the doctor told me… I might have trouble with my pregnancy. I might get sick, and delivering the baby will be a lot harder than normal — especially since I am a male and I get sick easily; they told me it could be life-threatening.” 

 

_ W-what?  _

 

This was too much for Jongin to take in. Just a few moments ago, he was so happy about starting a family. He didn’t think about any of the consequences. 

 

“I’m sorry, Jongin… I didn’t want to tell you now, because I wanted you to enjoy our vacation and you seemed so happy thinking about the baby—”

 

Jongin’s head was spinning, but he manage to let out, “You mean… you mean you could die?” 

 

Kyungsoo pressed his lips into a thin line. “We don’t know… the doctor tried talking me out of having the baby and Joonmyun and Yifan told me to rethink it, too.” 

 

“I thi—”

 

“But even if the worst happens to me, I want to have the baby.” 

 

“But Kyungsoo, if your life is on the line right now, we can always wait,” Jongin tried reasoning.

 

“I know what you mean, Jongin,” Kyungsoo reassured him, “but think about how helpless our baby is. It doesn’t even have a say in whether it gets to live or not. I’ve spent three months with it and I’ve already fallen in love with it. I can’t just kill him or her... it’s our baby.” 

 

Jongin was so conflicted. He couldn’t just watch Kyungsoo decide to throw away his life. 

 

“My body may be weak, but I don’t want to be a weak person.” 

 

Thinking back to the boy who he met at the bench, Jongin couldn’t help but notice Kyungsoo had changed. He was no longer that shy boy who ran away when he realized someone was watching him sing. He wasn’t the boy who stuttered his way through the first club meeting. He was now someone who was willing to take risks at the cost of his own life for someone else’s. Jongin couldn’t take that away from him — not when Kyungsoo has come so far. 

 

“I’ve made my decision. I don’t care if my life is on the line,” Kyungsoo said determinedly. 

 

Jongin’s gaze softened. “Don’t say something like that… We’ll work hard so that you have a safe delivery.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled, realizing that he had gotten Jongin’s support. That was all he needed to stay strong throughout this ordeal. He felt so relieved. “I know I’ll be okay. You said you’d protect me, remember?” 

 

Jongin smiled back and nodded. “Yes. I’ll protect you. You’ll be fine. You’ll  _ both _ be fine,” he said, looking back out at the ocean. “We can come back here next year with the baby. We’ll take care of the baby together and we’ll raise him or her up so well. We’ll be the best parents ever and our kid will love us unconditionally.”

 

Kyungsoo, who had also turned to look at the ocean, leaned his head on Jongin’s shoulder. 

 

“Let’s make a promise to each other?” Jongin asked.

 

“Hm?” 

 

“A promise. I promise to protect you and you promise we’ll come back here next year.  _ Together _ .”  

 

Both still staring at the vast wide ocean that was pushing the waves onto the shore and drawing the current back into the unknown depths, Jongin waited for his husband’s reply. 

 

“Okay, I promise,” Kyungsoo agreed.

  


 

Three more months passed and Kyungsoo’s belly has grown huge. Jongin stuck with him through his mood swings, through both happy days and bad days. 

 

Kyungsoo’s bad days included craving spring fruits, such as honeydew and lychee, when it was already fall. When Jongin would come home from the supermarket empty-handed, Kyungsoo would be quietly disappointed in him one minute, and then suddenly go ballistic on him the next. There were also times Kyungsoo’s pregnancy sickness would be so bad that he couldn’t get out of bed — he was already given leave from his job. Kyungsoo would also sometimes cry about the stretch marks donning the side of his stomach, but Jongin would be there to tell him he was beautiful no matter what. 

 

Kyungsoo’s happy days included the days he would babble about what color the baby’s room should be, or what kind of crib and toys they should get, or what the baby’s first word would be. Jongin was there when Kyungsoo freaked out about the baby kicking around; he was there whenever Kyungsoo would start happily humming to himself and the baby; he was there when Kyungsoo excitedly brought up the topic of naming it.

 

“What should we name the baby?” Kyungsoo asked.

 

Jongin thought long and hard, but he didn't really have a creative mind. 

 

“Kyungin?” 

 

Kyungsoo blinked. “Did you… did you just combine our names?”

 

“... Yes?” Jongin answered, hoping Kyungsoo would agree; he was completely fine with that name, but he saw Kyungsoo’s distaste when he scrunched up his face. “Okay, no… how about Jongsoo for the boy?” 

 

“It’s so obvious that you are really just combining our names,” Kyungsoo laughed. “How about Jongsuk? It sounds nicer,” he suggested.

 

“But I would rather have your name as a part of our baby,” Jongin replied quietly. 

 

Kyungsoo looked a little shocked at first, but then a small smile graced his face. “Okay, if it’s what you want, I’m okay with that.” 

 

They continued thinking for a while. 

 

“Jisoo for the girl? Or Eunsoo?” Jongin suggested. Kyungsoo laughed at how enthusiastic Jongin was now. “No?”

 

Kyungsoo thought a little. “I like Eunsoo.”  

 

Jongin grinned. “And for the boy name… I like the sound of Jinsoo? Or maybe Taesoo?”

 

“Tae? As in ‘great’?” Jongin nodded. “I like Taesoo,” Kyungsoo decided. 

 

“Taesoo it is for the boy then,” Jongin proudly announced, before he was interrupted by the door knocking. Knowing who it was, the two of them looked at each other and Jongin got up and opened the door.

 

“JONGINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” a loud voice cried out before said man was knocked to the ground. 

 

“Ouch!” His head and back had collided with the floor. “N-nice to see you, too,” Jongin muttered.

 

“Luhan! Get off the man, he’s not young anymore; his brittle bones won’t be able to take it,” Jongin heard the familiar voice of Sehun scold the Chinese man. He felt the weight lift off of him and saw the smiling face of Luhan.

 

“It’s been so long, Jongin, how are you?! Where’s Kyungsoo?!” Luhan demanded to know. 

 

Luhan — as aggressive as ever. He had not changed at all. 

 

“I’m here, Luhan!” Kyungsoo called out, walking up to all of them. 

 

“Kyungsoo, it’s great to see you,” Yixing greeted happily. 

 

“YOUR STOMACH IS HUGEEEE!” Sehun exclaimed.

 

Jongin shook his head to get rid of the dizzy feeling that Luhan caused by knocking him to the ground, only to be met with a hand in front of his face. His eyes traveled from the hand, up the arm, and to the face of Zitao. 

 

“Want me to help you get up or no?” Zitao asked, teasing Jongin by almost withdrawing his hand. Jongin grinned widely before taking Zitao’s helping hand and being pulled up into a hug. 

 

“It’s been so long, guys! I’m so happy we’re all here together,” Jongin said. “Go in, go in,” he and Kyungsoo ushered them inside their apartment. 

 

While they were all making their way inside the small apartment, Jongin caught sight of his best friend. “Sehun?! You went back to black?!” 

 

Sehun turned to meet Jongin’s shocked expression. He has been blonde since middle school, so he understood why his friend was so surprised. “Yeah, my company wouldn’t allow it. They told me I had ‘outstanding’ credentials, but will only hire me if I get rid of the blonde.” 

 

“Company?” Jongin asked. “Why would a dance company care about hair color?” 

 

“Nah, I have an office job. I figured dance wouldn’t give me a stable income. I have a side job as a teacher at a dance studio though. Don’t worry, I’m still picking up the ladies,” Sehun told him, while Jongin just gaped at him. “See, man? We’ve been so outta touch! I was surprised to hear you were becoming a father, too!” 

 

“Yeah, to be honest, we were a little scared before we saw you guys,” Luhan confessed. “We thought you’d changed too much.”

 

“Becoming a doctor and having a baby soon? You’re getting ahead in the life game,” Sehun joked. “How does it feel like becoming a father?” 

 

Jongin felt all eyes on him and he was a little caught off-guard. What was he supposed to say in front of all his friends and Kyungsoo? 

 

“Umm… I guess… It’s just a blessing that happened between me and the person I love. It happened a little unexpectedly, but I honestly can’t wait to start a family. It means I will have to work harder, but I’m willing to take whatever curveball life throws at me.” 

 

“Whatever curveball life throws… hmm…” Yixing repeated, deep in thought.  

 

“Life is too mysterious! Anything can happen; there might be even different dimensions as we speak right now! What if in another dimension, one of you were dating me right now?” Sehun wondered. 

 

“Not a chance with me,” Zitao scoffed. 

 

“Hey, I’d reject you too!!” 

 

“That’s not much of a disappointment,” Luhan added, leaving everyone to laugh at Sehun, who was pouting. 

  
  
  


It was almost time for the baby to arrive, but Kyungsoo had gotten sick again. The doctor had said it was probably because of all the strain from being pregnant, and after a long 9 months, it had finally taken a toll on Kyungsoo’s body. Yifan and Joonmyun were terrified for Kyungsoo’s life.

 

It was just as Kyungsoo had said; he still hadn’t changed his mind about having the baby. He refused to listen to anyone who tried to talk him out of it, saying that he and his baby had come too far together for them to just stop there. 

 

Kyungsoo was willing to give up his life for this baby. 

 

Jongin wanted more than anything for Kyungsoo to be safe and healthy, but he didn’t want Kyungsoo to be unhappy and hurting, either. He couldn’t help but feel hurt at how Kyungsoo was trying to stay strong in front of everyone, including himself. He wondered how Kyungsoo feels when he’s alone in the house while Jongin was at work. Does he feel afraid? Does he cry it out? If Jongin was feeling this scared, how could he imagine what Kyungsoo was feeling? 

 

It was snowing hard, and the trains and cars were not moving. Even though Kyungsoo had a fever, the contractions had started — the baby was coming two weeks earlier than expected.

 

Kyungsoo was lying down on the bed in pain, clutching onto Jongin’s hand. He was sweating and groaning out in pain, and Jongin could only watch with worry. The more pain Kyungsoo was in, the harder he would squeeze Jongin’s hand. 

 

“Hang in there, Kyungsoo…” Jongin urged, trying not to cry from seeing how much pain Kyungsoo was in.

 

“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo panted out. “I’ll get through this, and the three of us will live together. You, me, and Soo.” 

 

They heard their door open and the sound of people rushing in. “Kibum is here,” Joonmyun announced urgently. 

 

“Why did this have to happen on a day like this,” Yifan frustratedly said. 

 

“Please prepare some hot water — as much as you can,” Kim requested calmly. Yifan and Joonmyun went to complete the task. 

 

“Is there anything I can do?” Jongin asked earnestly. 

 

Kibum smiled. “Just be there for Kyungsoo. You can continue holding his hand; I’m sure you’re providing him with strength.” 

 

Jongin nodded and turned back to his husband. “Don’t worry, Kyungsoo. I’m here for you. You can do it.” 

 

Jongin watched as Kyungsoo passed out multiple times…

 

… Only to wake up to the pain. 

 

Jongin was beginning to feel helpless. He was studying to be a doctor, yet he could do nothing to take away the hurt and sickness Kyungsoo was going through. Why was this happening to Kyungsoo and not to him? Why was Kyungsoo the only one going through the pain? It seemed like it was taking hours and hours, as if it was forever that Kyungsoo was in constant pain — it was so cruel that Jongin felt suffocated and almost wanted to get up to walk away and breathe.

 

Jongin looked around himself. 

 

Everyone was working so hard to help Kyungsoo. Everyone seemed so busy. Everyone was bustling about and it seemed like a blur. What was taking forever turned unfocused and dimmed in Jongin’s vision. He was so lost and stuck in the moment. Everyone was moving around him in a flash and he could only stay still. 

 

And then everything calmed down.  

 

A loud cry pulled Jongin out of his haze and brought him back with a burst of color in his life. A baby boy was handed to him and he let go of Kyungsoo’s hand to gently take hold of him. 

 

“Kyungsoo… he’s beautiful… Taesoo…” 

 

His husband wasn’t responding. “Kyungsoo?” Jongin looked over to Kyungsoo, whose eyes were closed.” Kyungsoo!!” Jongin panicked and used one hand to grab onto Kyungsoo’s. 

 

Kyungsoo slowly opened his eyes. “J-Jongin…?” 

 

Jongin felt a surge of relief, but he also felt like crying at how delicate and feeble he sounded. “I’m here! I’m right here! You can hear Taesoo crying right?” 

 

Kyungsoo smiled and gave a weak nod. 

 

“I’m the first one to hold him just like you wanted!” Jongin frantically said, tears began pooling in his eyes.  

 

Kyungsoo seemed so exhausted. “He’s beautiful…” 

 

Jongin was beginning to fear for Kyungsoo’s life. “It’s over now. You did so well. You got through this so well.” 

 

“Mhm…” Kyungsoo murmured. “But I’m a little tired now. May I rest, just for a little while?” 

 

Fear spiked in Jongin’s veins and ran his blood cold. He was so scared; so scared that if Kyungsoo closed his eyes, he would never open them again. “No, no you can’t. Just stay awake for a few minutes. You can do it!” 

 

He could faintly hear Yifan yell in the background out of frustration. “The doctor is still nowhere near here? The cars still can’t move? Dammit!”

 

“Kyungsoo, you can just listen to me, alright? Just listen to me talk, listen to my voice.  

 

“I’m going to talk to our baby. He’s our baby, Taesoo. Hi, Taesoo, I’m your father! Appa is over there, too! Ah, see he ignored me! But no matter, ha ha, he’s a baby; of course he wouldn’t understand me right now. But we’ll teach him! We’re going to be a big happy family together!!

 

“Kyungsoo, you remember asking me what I was thinking about on the sunflower field right? I was thinking about our baby running around this apartment! I’m sure you would like to see it too, hmm? We’re going to have portraits of the three of us smiling at the camera hanging around all over our apartment! We get to take him to school and pick him up from school together! We’ll participate in family day together — I used to think those were useless, but I can’t wait to do it together, Kyungsoo, please—”

 

“Jongin… take care of Taesoo…” 

 

“No… no, don’t talk like that… we’ll take care of him  _ together _ …” 

 

Jongin felt Kyungsoo grip loosen and a part of him knew that Kyungsoo wasn’t listening anymore. 

 

“Kyungsoo?” 

 

Jongin moved closer to the bed, taking Kyungsoo’s hand and pressing it to their baby’s cheek. “K-Kyungsoo, can’t you feel that? It’s Taesoo’s cheek; it’s really small and puffy!” 

 

Kyungsoo’s hand fell back onto the bed. 

 

Jongin felt his head spinning. Images of Kyungsoo filled his head as he thought about the promise they made to each other. “You… you promised… you promised you would always be with me… you promised we’d go to the beach together in the summer…” 

 

_ But I have broken my own promise. _

 

Memories replayed in Jongin’s head and they were all of Kyungsoo. How much he had made him happy and how much he had changed him into a better man; the love he had for him that he didn’t feel for anyone else and didn’t plan on feeling for anyone else. 

 

All of that… now gone… 

 

 

_ I have failed to protect Kyungsoo. _


	5. Chapter 5

Jongin was a mess. 

 

After Kyungsoo passed away, he didn’t know how to pick his life back up. He cut off all of his friends and refused to speak to anyone. He would lock himself in his room and spend countless hours studying medicine, because it was the only thing that could get his mind off of everything else. People would have thought that he’d give up working at the hospital after witnessing his husband pass away from an illness, but it was the complete opposite. He worked extra hours, not wanting to return home. He worked so much that he hospital practically begged him all the time to take a vacation, which he constantly refused. 

 

He became a workaholic during the day and an alcoholic during the night. When he couldn’t stand studying anymore, he’d pop open a can of beer and indulge himself. There were days when piles of cans would greet him when he came home after work. He’d clean up and study again until he couldn’t take it anymore and drink again.

 

It became a vicious cycle. 

 

He was a successful doctor, but it wasn’t enough for him. Why couldn’t he be a successful doctor a few years ago? Maybe Kyungsoo would have survived; maybe he wouldn’t have gotten sick at all. Jongin blamed himself for taking so long to reach where he was right now. 

 

Maybe if he never ran away from his house, he wouldn’t have gotten closer to Kyungsoo. Maybe he shouldn’t have offered to help him start a theater club. Maybe he should have turned and walked away the moment he saw someone else at his secret hiding spot. Maybe he shouldn’t have met Kyungsoo in the first place. 

 

It was all his fault. 

  
  
  


Jongin awoke to knocking on his door. He groaned and sat upright before removing the covers off of himself. He sleepily made his way through the house, not minding his surroundings. 

 

He opened the door and came face to face with a smiling Joonmyun. 

 

“Good morning, Jongin!” Joonmyun greeted cheerily. 

 

“Good morning, what brings you here?” Jongin was now fully awake and his first instinct was to look around. “Did you come alone?” The left side, empty. The right side, no one there.

 

“Yes, I did,” Joonmyun replied, still smiling. 

 

“It’s a little messy, but come in,” Jongin invited him in, praying that he had cleaned up the cans or bottles in the living room. 

 

Joonmyun made himself comfortable by sitting on the couch as Jongin went to make him tea. “What brings you here?” Jongin asked from the kitchen.

 

“I wanted to see how you were doing,” Joonmyun answered honestly. 

 

“I’m doing fine,” Jongin answered. “Just the usual.” 

 

“You’ve been working really hard, haven’t you? Why don’t you take a break?” 

 

Jongin brought the mug of tea to Joonmyun and sat down on the opposite couch. “Honestly, the hospital has been begging me to take a vacation, but I don’t need one.” 

 

“Aw, why not? It’s summer!” Joonmyun exclaimed. “Hey, why don’t we go on a trip? Just the two of us! It can be like an extended date!” 

 

Jongin was confused; Yifan would kill him. “But what about Yifan…” 

 

“If you’re worried about him, then we can all take a vacation! All of us, together!” 

 

“ _ All _ of us? You mean also—”

 

“Mhm, all of us!” Joonmyun said cheerfully again. 

 

Jongin sighed. “I’ll think about it.” 

 

After Jongin said goodbye and saw Joonmyun to the door, he flopped back down on the couch. He closed his eyes and felt as if he was going to drift back to sleep when he heard his phone ring. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“So have you asked the hospital to take a break yet?” 

 

Huh? It was Joonmyun asking about the trip already. 

 

“Ah, no, sorry I haven’t even thought about it yet.”  _ He literally just left 3 minutes ago. _

 

“Oh, okay. Sorry,” Joonmyun had said and hung up.

 

But then the phone rang again.

 

“Have you thought about it now?” 

 

“No, not yet.” 

 

“Okay,” and he hung up again.

 

_ Ring, ring.  _

 

“How about now?” 

 

Jongin sighed. He knew Joonmyun wasn’t going to stop until he agreed.

 

“Alright, you win,” Jongin agreed defeatedly. “I’ll ask for a four-day vacation this weekend.” 

 

“That’s great! I’m glad you decided to agree! I’ll see you then,” Joonmyun happily answered and hung up.

 

Jongin’s hand tiredly fell from his ear back onto the couch. As soon as he agreed, he regretted it. He couldn’t help but feel that it was as if Joonmyun forced him into this, but he couldn’t just tell Joonmyun that he wanted to change his mind. 

 

— After all, he had forced everything onto him and Yifan. 

  
  
  


“I’m here!” Jongin called out as he closed the door behind him. “Joonmyun, Yifan!” He arrived at the house with a packed bag in his hand. He set his bag down and took off his shoes before setting off for the living room.

 

It seemed as if no one was home. 

 

“Joonmyun, Yifan!!” Jongin shouted out again. 

 

No answer. 

 

Jongin spotted a note on the table and picked it up. 

 

_ Jongin,  _

 

_ Something came up, so I had to leave with Yifan. I entrust everything to you. _

 

_ \- Joonmyun _

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jongin muttered, as he saw two train tickets and a passport on the table. 

 

Suddenly, he heard light, quick footsteps running behind him, making him turn around only to face the empty hallway. After waiting to see if  _ he _ would come out, Jongin decided to walk after the footsteps since it seemed to be running away from him. 

 

He walked into one of the rooms, since it seemed as if that was the only way he could go, but he was mistaken since the tiny footsteps still seemed to be echoing outside the room. He walked through the kitchen and still did not see anyone, so he went back out to the living room. That was when he heard running in the kitchen. 

 

“Taesoo!” Jongin called out unemotionally and sternly. 

 

A moment passed, and Jongin thought he would have to call out his son’s name again, when a little head peeked out from behind the drywall opening. The little boy slowly came out and revealed himself, waiting for any order from his father. 

 

But Jongin just stared. 

 

This was his five year old son who was a spitting image of Kyungsoo. He had the same heart-shaped lips and wide, innocent eyes that stared back at Jongin. It almost pained Jongin to look at him, since he brought back memories of his husband, but Jongin was able to stifle them down and continue staring coldly at Taesoo.

 

His smoldering gaze made his son retreat back behind the opening. 

 

“Oi, come out, you don’t have to be so nervous.”

 

The little boy slowly came back out, hiding half of his body behind the wall.

 

“Joonmyun and Yifan went out?” 

 

Taesoo nodded. 

 

“Alright, so what do you want to do?” 

 

“Joonma,” Taesoo replied. 

 

“Joonmyun’s not here right now,” Jongin told him.

 

“Wuffy.” 

 

“He’s not here either,” Jongin answered, exasperatedly. “They both left without a word to you, huh?” 

 

Taesoo nodded. 

 

“What do you want to do?” 

 

“I want to go on a trip…” 

 

Jongin frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “We can’t without Joonmyun or Yifan. Unless you want to go by yourself.” 

 

“But I want to go…” 

 

Jongin sighed, conflicted on what to do. He couldn’t just go home and leave Taesoo alone in the house while Joonmyun and Yifan were gone. “We can wait until they get back.”

 

_ What is this situation?  _

 

Jongin was never left alone with Taesoo — at least either Yifan or Joonmyun was always with him. This was the first time in five years, ever since Taesoo was born, that it was only Jongin that had to watch Taesoo. He honestly had no idea how to deal with this. 

 

He sat down on the couch, thinking about what to do. 

 

He didn’t know his son’s interests at all. He never spent time with him, since he always worked overtime at the hospital. When he had time, he would waste it on drinking. Taesoo lived with Yifan and Joonmyun and Jongin didn’t bother to visit too often. 

 

Taesoo had been staring at him from behind the drywall opening again. 

 

“Taesoo,” Jongin called out. “Do you think you are hiding? I can totally see you. Come out here.” The little boy slowly walked towards his dad. “Sit.” Taesoo just continued to stand. “Or not, whatever. Joonmyun and Yifan will probably be back by tonight, so be a good boy and wait.” 

 

“Trip,” Taesoo whined.

 

“We’ll go when they come back, so just play around by yourself for now.” Taesoo nodded and ran off. Jongin rested his head on the back of the couch and was about to close his eyes and sleep when he heard a loud  _ thud!  _

 

Jongin got up and walked over to the entrance of the house where he found Taesoo, face-first on the floor, and his backpack scattered. Jongin picked up Taesoo and set him back on his feet. 

 

Taesoo looked as if he were going to cry, but was biting back his tears. He walked up to a toy that was on the floor, and it seemed to have broken when he fell. The toy penguin’s little head had broken off from the impact of Taesoo’s fall. 

 

“Poor penguin…” Taesoo said sadly. 

 

“Hmm,” Jongin took one look at it and examined it a little. “That can be fixed,” he told the little boy. “A little glue will do the trick.” 

 

Taesoo turned to his dad with hopeful eyes and handed the toy over to him. In no time, he had fixed the toy up, and Taesoo ran off to play with it. Jongin decided it would be a good time for a nap on the couch. A few hours later, he was awoken by two tiny hands shaking his shoulder. 

 

“Joonma.” 

 

“Hmm?” Jongin rubbed his eyes sleepily. 

 

“Wuffy.”

 

“They’re back?”

 

Taesoo only shook his head.

 

“Pee.” 

 

“Go ahead and do it,” Jongin told him. 

 

Taesoo ran off and returned moments later. 

 

“I did it by myself.”

 

“Don’t brag about it, I can do it myself too,” Jongin scolded, causing Taesoo to frown. The youngster was used to Joonmyun and Yifan encouraging him and telling him he did a good job. 

 

“What are you still standing there for?” Jongin asked when the little boy still hadn’t ran off to play. 

 

“Trip,” Taesoo insisted.

 

Jongin sighed. “You really want to go?” 

 

“Mhm!” 

 

… Jongin checked his watch. It had been hours since he had first arrived. “Joonmyun and Yifan are really not coming back, eh? You’re okay with just me being there?” 

 

Taesoo nodded his head.

 

“Alright… in that case…” Jongin scratched the back of his head. “We can go.” 

 

Joonmyun had already packed everything for Taesoo and Jongin just had to make sure that they had the tickets and passports. Taesoo was able to put on his shoes by himself and he made sure everything was in his backpack. 

 

“You got everything?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Are you ready?” 

 

“Yup.”

 

“Okay, then…” Jongin tried his best to sound enthusiastic and ended up raising his arm awkwardly, “Let’s go!”

 

“Gooo!” Taesoo repeated, with his fist in the air.  

 

 

Jongin and Taesoo were now sitting on the train, the little boy looking at the window at the passing trees. A little girl across the aisle from them wouldn’t stop shouting and whining to her mother, but Jongin tried ignoring her by turning his attention to Taesoo. Looking at him, Jongin couldn’t help but feel sorry for his son. He rested his elbow on the armrest and propped his head on his hand. 

 

_ Was this trip a good idea? _

 

_ Is he even having fun?  _

 

_ Of course not, since it’s with me… _

 

A little nudge shook him out of his thoughts. He turned to see Taesoo tapping him on the arm. 

 

“Daddy, play with me.” 

 

“Huh?” Jongin answered. “Alright… what do you usually do with Joonmyun?”

 

“Read books.” 

 

“Did you bring any books?”

 

Taesoo shook his head. 

 

“Okay, what do you do with Yifan?” 

 

“Play pranks on Joonma.” 

 

_ Why is Yifan teaching him to do that? Oof, it must be tough to be Joonmyun _ , Jongin thought. “Well, we can’t do that here on the train… Joonmyun isn’t even here right now… Maybe just go to sleep.” 

 

Jongin turned back and put his head back on his hand, but he couldn’t help but feel as if he was still being watched. He turned back to his son, who was staring at him expectantly, but lowered his eyes as soon as he was caught.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing,” Taesoo answered, shaking his head. 

 

“Is there something on my face?” Jongin asked. 

 

Taesoo only shook his head again. Jongin was about to turn his head back when he caught Taesoo staring again. 

 

“Alright, you seem like you want to tell me something,” but Taesoo shook his head. “Come on, I won’t get angry.” 

 

“Okay…” Taesoo said hesitantly. “Tell me about Appa.” 

 

Jongin was initially taken aback by the sudden request about Kyungsoo, but he regained his cold composure. “Ask Joonmyun.”

 

“Won’t tell me…” 

 

“Well, tell him that I didn’t tell you either,” Jongin answered sternly, turning back with his head on his hands again, this time shutting his eyes.

 

“Mom, mom, mom…!!!” The little girl across the aisle continued whining. Jongin furrowed his eyebrows and pressed his eyes closed together even tighter, trying to ward off the loud noise. 

 

“Mommy! Mom! Mom!” 

 

“Hana, stop it and sit down, you’re embarrassing me, please…” the mother tried calming down her daughter. 

 

Despite her mother’s efforts, the little girl kept whining. Jongin was starting to get a headache. He couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

“But mom, I want—” 

 

“KEEP IT DOWN!” Jongin lashed out and yelled at the parent and child. “THINK ABOUT THOSE AROUND YOU A LITTLE BIT MORE!” The little girl cowered into his mother’s arms and whimpered.

 

“Yes, we’re sorry,” the mother apologized, a little scared.

 

“Goddammit,” Jongin muttered before resting his head again and closing his eyes again. After a few moments, he realized something felt like it was missing. His eyes shot open and he turned to his side to see that the seat was empty. “Taesoo?”  

 

Jongin got up and looked around the train car for his son. How did Taesoo even slip past him? Jongin was going to look in another car when he saw the bathroom door slide open and his son come out. 

 

“God…” Jongin grumbled. He made his way over to Taesoo, who was hanging his head low and looking down on the floor. “If you wanted to use the bathroom, then say something.” 

 

Taesoo still didn’t look at him. 

 

“What’s wrong?” 

 

When Taesoo slightly lifted his head to look at his dad, Jongin noticed his eyes were a little red and puffy. “Hey, were you crying?” When Taesoo shook his head, Jongin scolded him. “You don’t have to lie, I can clearly see you did.” 

 

Taesoo began fidgeting with his hands. “He said no crying…” 

 

“Who did?”

 

“Joonma.” 

 

“Huh, I guess he can be a little strict sometimes…” 

 

“He said there are only certain places I can cry. Like the bathroom and…” 

 

Jongin waited for Taesoo to continue, but Taesoo only stared at him pitifully with his wide, innocent eyes. It made Jongin a little bit uncomfortable and unsure of whether or not he should speak. 

 

“Uh, I mean,” Jongin began. “I think you can cry wherever you want. You should cry while you can because when you’re older, you won’t be able to cry even when you want to…” 

 

_ Passengers, please return to your seats. The train will be arriving at the station shortly.  _

 

When the two disembarked the train, Taesoo walked with his head down and Jongin couldn’t help but notice the little boy looked a little bit miserable. Feelings of regrets started coming back to him and he felt sorry towards his son. Then, a little shop caught the corner of his eye and made him stop in his tracks. Taesoo didn’t seem to notice and kept walking. 

 

“Hey,” Jongin called out, causing the boy to turn around. “Do you want a toy?” 

 

The child followed his dad into the store. “Choose anything you want, I’ll buy it for you.” 

 

“Okay,” Taesoo answered, concentrated on some keychains. To Jongin, he was taking a long time to choose, so he decided to look around, too. He randomly picked up a Crong doll and showed it to Taesoo. 

 

“Hey,” Taesoo turned away from the keychains “How’s this?”

 

His son’s eyes widened at the toy and then his decision was made. “Okay.” 

 

Jongin bought it, and Taesoo clutched onto his new toy with the happiest smile on his face. Taesoo continued to hug it tightly and hold it in front of his face, as if he were marvelling at it.

 

But the more Jongin thought about it, the more he doubted Taesoo actually liked his new toy. Maybe Joonmyun taught Taesoo to show appreciation for everything, even though he wasn’t actually happy.

 

“You don’t have to pretend you like it so much…”

 

Taesoo turned to him with a confused expression on his face.

 

“You probably wanted a much cooler toy…” 

 

“I like this!!” Taesoo turned back and hugged his doll even tighter. Jongin brushed it off by muttering, ‘You must have such weird tastes in toys then…’  

 

They exited the station and Taesoo was amazed by the scenery that unfolded before him. It was the first time he has seen fields and tall grasses and flowers like this.

 

“Wow!!” 

 

Jongin smiled down at the boy. While Taesoo marveled at the scenery, Jongin had an idea. “Hey, Taesoo. Want to have a better look?” 

 

Taesoo turned to his dad. “I do!” 

 

“Alright, hop onto my back,” Jongin told him, as he crouched down. He lifted Taesoo onto his shoulders and then stood up. “Look!” 

 

“Wahhhh!!” Taesoo exclaimed in surprise. Jongin began walking, reminiscing about the time he came here with Kyungsoo. He had offered to take his bag, since he was still carrying Taesoo in his belly. 

 

They finally reached a sunflower field; Jongin set Taesoo on his feet, who then went off to run through the field. He was dashing through the flowers, arms raised with the Crong doll as if he were trying to make it fly. 

 

Jongin found a nice shady tree to rest underneath. “Taesoo, don’t go far!!” 

 

“Daddy!!” Taesoo called out, before waving with a happy grin on his face.

 

Jongin was taken aback by the sudden show of affection, but he smiled and awkwardly waved back. Taesoo went back to running around and playing, and Jongin was glad to see the little boy was at least enjoying himself. 

 

_ I guess it was a good idea to come after all _ , he thought before crossing his arms over his chest, slumping against the tree, and closing his eyes. 

 

When he awoke, the sun was low in the sky, which told him that he had been knocked out for a while. His son was standing in front of him, a sad and guilty expression donning his face. 

 

“What’s wrong?” 

 

“I lost it…” 

 

Jongin was a little confused from just having woken up. “Huh? Lost what?” 

 

“Dinosaur…”

 

“Ah, the green doll I bought you?” Jongin got up from his resting spot. “I can just buy you the same one on the way back.” 

 

“But I want that one.”

 

“Okay, then we can look for it together.” Jongin and Taesoo walked back to the sunflower field together. Jongin combed through the tall grass, and he realized how hard it would be to find the toy since it was the same color as the grass and the stems of the sunflowers. 

 

“You couldn’t have gone too far, right?” Jongin called over his shoulder to his son, who was a few feet away, also searching. 

 

Taesoo shook his head and turned back to search.

 

After 15 more minutes of searching and covering ground, Jongin wanted to stop. “Taesoo, it’s not here. It’s as if it just disappeared. It’s impossible to find it, so let’s just give up.” 

 

Taesoo didn’t respond.

 

“We can just get another one. We can’t find it, so there’s nothing we can do.” 

 

Taesoo still kept searching, blocking out his father’s words. 

 

“Aish, you’re so stubborn,” Jongin muttered and went back to sit under the tree. He could see Taesoo still searching, but something else caught his eye. He could see the edge of a familiar blanket and a vaguely familiar person lying down on it. 

 

From the corner of his eye, he could see the same person walking down the path.

 

It was Kyungsoo from over five years ago. 

 

Jongin now had a sudden urge to go back to that fence that overlooked the beach. 

 

“Taesoo!” Jongin called out. He was able to get his son’s attention since the little boy stopped searching and looked at his dad. “I’m going to take a walk that way,” Jongin pointed towards the path that he saw Kyungsoo walking. “Don’t go anywhere, okay? Just stay here,” Jongin ordered before walking off. 

 

Kyungsoo… 

 

The fence… 

 

The beach… 

 

These thoughts flooded his mind as he walked faster to reach his destination. It was the place where they had made promises to each other.

 

By the time Jongin reached that familiar cottage surrounded by the wooden fence that overlooked the ocean, the sun was setting. 

 

He remembered Kyungsoo taking his hand and bringing him towards that spot. The setting sun had reflected light in his eyes — no matter how worried Kyungsoo was, his wide, doe eyes were always shone bright with the love he had for Jongin. 

 

Memories all flooded in and threatened to crush him under all its weight. All the good and the bad overwhelmed him; he hadn’t forgotten Kyungsoo’s voice, Kyungsoo’s face, but he had forgotten everything he should have done together with Kyungsoo. 

 

_ “You’re going to be a great father, Jongin.”  _

 

They were lies — he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it without Kyungsoo by his side. Things had spun out of his control because he had let them slip through his grasp. Jongin’s worst fear came true — he turned out to be just like his father. 

 

_ “I really want you to be the first to hold our baby.”  _

 

Jongin had agreed and Kyungsoo’s wish had happened — he held Taesoo the first time. He clutched on to him just as if he was clutching onto Kyungsoo’s dear life. But how come after that, he didn’t hold Taesoo for a second time? Or a third? 

 

He’s never held Taesoo again. 

 

_ “My body may be weak, but I don’t want to be a weak person.”  _

 

It wasn’t Kyungsoo who was weak… in fact, he wasn’t weak at all. It was all Jongin. He couldn’t stay strong for the only person who depended on him with his whole life. His son, his own flesh and blood, the only living connection he has left of Kyungsoo. 

 

_ “We’ll take care of the baby together and we’ll raise him or her up so well. We’ll be the best parents ever and our kid will love us unconditionally.”  _

 

Taesoo… 

 

Jongin has been the worst father ever. He thought of himself before he ever thought of his son. Jongin’s been hurting this whole time, but what about his little boy? Taesoo, a child, whose fragile heart hasn’t had time to grow yet — has it been hurting all along because of Jongin? Has Jongin brought Taesoo pain and sadness? 

 

He had to go back to Taesoo, and he had to make things right again. It might take time and it’ll probably happen slowly, but Jongin was determined to improve things. Everything will get better. 

 

Jongin parted with the view of the ocean and the little cottage house that held memories of Kyungsoo. His heart ached at leaving it behind, but he felt grateful. He was grateful he was able to realize his mistakes, and he felt that it was because of Kyungsoo. 

 

_ Thank you, Kyungsoo… I miss you so much…  _

 

He hurried back down the path and walked even faster when he saw the familiar patch of trees. He walked through to the sunflower field and was relieved to see his son was still there. The boy still seemed to be searching for his doll with an extremely frustrated and concentrated look on his face. 

 

“Taesoo!!” Jongin called out. “You didn’t find it yet?” 

 

Taesoo looked up from the ground and shook his head.

 

Jongin walked away from the trees and into the sunflower field to his son. “You’ve been looking for it this whole time?” His son nodded. 

 

Jongin felt guilty. Maybe he should have watched Taesoo instead of taking a nap under the tree. What if something had happened to his son while he was asleep? He also felt bad because he probably would have seen where his son dropped the toy, and now he had to break bad news to him. 

 

At this point, his son had stopped searching and was looking down at his feet. 

 

“Listen, Taesoo,” Jongin said, crouching down to his son’s height. “We might not ever be able to get that toy back…” Taesoo looked at Jongin and then turned to completely face him. 

 

“There’s really nothing we can do about it since we can’t find it; so let’s just buy another one, okay?” 

 

Taesoo’s expression saddened and he looked down at the ground again. “There’s only one…”

 

“There were lots of them at the store.”

 

“But it’s the one you chose and bought for me…” 

 

“Huh?”

 

Taesoo waited a moment before continuing. “First toy Daddy got me…” 

 

Realization struck Jongin, and it struck him hard. Now he understood why Taesoo looked so happy when he bought him the toy. He wasn’t pretending to like the toy — he was genuinely happy that Jongin willingly gave him something for the first time since he was born.

 

“Taesoo… have you been lonely?” 

 

“Mhm,” he answered sadly.  

 

“Was it fun to come on this trip with me?”

 

Taesoo nodded.

 

“I see,” Jongin answered. Kyungsoo had been right; even though Jongin was not the  _ best parent ever,  _ Taesoo still loved him unconditionally and just wanted to be loved back. He wanted to spend time with his father, making up for all the times he had felt lonely. 

 

“Taesoo… would it be alright if I stayed with you? I’ve been such a bad father to you for years… but, I will do my best for you from now on,” Jongin proposed. Even though the guilt was tearing him apart, he managed to smile, hoping Taesoo would understand. “So would it be alright if I stayed with you?” 

 

Taesoo nodded.

 

“Really?” 

 

Taesoo nodded again. “I want you to be with me.” 

 

Jongin’s heart burst with relief and overflowing love. Taesoo understood and accepted him, despite all the times he has hurt him. Jongin was extremely grateful and didn’t even know how to express it. “Thank you…” 

 

“But Daddy…” 

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“I lost an important thing, so I’m sad…” Taesoo told him, lowering his head towards the ground again.

 

“Mhm…” Jongin answered understandingly. 

 

“Daddy…” Jongin couId hear Taesoo’s voice breaking, so he worried looked closer to see tears in his eyes, threatening to spill out. “Is it alright… to not hold back anymore?

 

“Joonma told me. Places I can cry are in the bathroom and… in Daddy’s arms.” 

 

Jongin could hear his heart shattering as he thought about how many times Taesoo has cried in the bathroom alone; how the dark hallway he walked through had a broken penguin toy on the ground and single stripe of light coming from the bathroom — curiously, he opened it to find Taesoo crying alone into his small arms. 

 

“Mhm… Yeah,” Jongin answered, trying to hold back his tears. 

 

Taesoo, with his head still down, walked into Jongin’s shoulder. As Taesoo began sobbing, Jongin couldn’t help but feel tears well up in his own eyes. The louder and more heart-wrenching Taesoo’s cry became, the more freely Jongin’s tears fell and streamed down his own face. 

 

“I’m sorry…” Jongin apologized over and over as he hugged Taesoo tighter. “I’m so sorry…” 

 

Jongin was now there in front of that bathroom door, with his arms around his son. Taesoo doesn’t have to be lonely anymore.

 

Everything was going to be okay now. 

  
  
  


On their way back home, Taesoo was looking out the train window at the setting sun, which was filling the car with a warm, orange glow. Jongin was sitting across from his son, watching him and going over the events that had just happened. 

 

“Hey, Taesoo,” Jongin called out. Taesoo turned to look at his dad. “Do you want to hear about Appa?” 

 

Taesoo nodded.

 

Jongin patted the spot on his seat next him, so Taesoo came down from his own and climbed up next to his dad. He looked at Jongin with expectant eyes, sparkling with hopefulness and curiosity. 

 

Jongin smiled. “Hmm… let’s see…” 

 

“Your Appa was a very small person with a big heart.”  _ Jongin thought about the time when he first saw Kyungsoo singing, but Kyungsoo had immediately apologized and ran away. _ “At first, he’s very shy, but once I got to know him, he always showered me with kindness.”  _ Kyungsoo had brought Jongin to the bakery to get something to eat after club practice.  _ “He made sure I was fine before going to sleep at night.”  _ He thought about how Kyungsoo would always scare and hit Yifan and Joonmyun.  _ “Appa got angry at other people, but he never once got angry with me. He had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, even when he was hurting.”  _ He thought about Kyungsoo and how he was so adamant on giving birth to Taesoo, even if he knew his life was at risk. _ “He was also so strong and brave. He loved you so much. Then…” 

 

Jongin blanked. 

 

He didn’t know what to say anymore. 

 

“And t-then…” 

 

There were too many wonderful things to say about Kyungsoo that it was almost painful to say them.

 

“Kyungsoo…” 

 

Memories flashed through his head of when he first met Kyungsoo under the cherry blossoms, Kyungsoo singing in front of the railing, Kyungsoo smiling while lifting the blindfold from his eyes, Kyungsoo when he found him alone at the park, Kyungsoo enjoying himself on stage,  Kyungsoo when he proposed, Kyungsoo letting go of his hand on that cold snowy night, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo…

 

Jongin felt a small hand on his arm, and he turned to see his son with tears running down his face.

 

“Daddy…” Taesoo whimpered. 

 

Jongin hadn’t even realized he himself was crying. “Silly, why are you crying?” Jongin smiled and brought his hands to Taesoo’s face to wipe away his tears, and then ruffled his hair. “Sorry, I was just remembering Appa.” 

 

Jongin gave one last endearing look at his son before he wiped his own tears. “All right, let’s keep going. Where was I?

 

“Your Appa really loved singing and his voice was beautiful. When I first met him, he wanted to start a theater club. Do you know what theater is? Theater is…” 

 

While he was telling him more, he realized. As he looked at Taesoo, he saw everything clearly now and in a different light, and relief washed over him as a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders. 

 

_ “Kyungsoo… _

 

_ Kyungsoo, I’ve found it. _

 

_ I've finally found something I need to protect. _

 

_ “Something only  _ I _ can protect.  _

 

_ And... _

 

_ It’s been right here all along.” _


End file.
